Coffee & Pearls is a weekly podcast where I share wisdom to help Catholic Moms get a better handle on their lives. If you don’t want to listen to the podcast… no problem! The entire episode has a corresponding blog post that you can read instead!

Seeking the Kingdom of Happiness

Seeking the Kingdom of Happiness

 

Here is the latest Coffee & Pearls:

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One of my favorite things to do with Coffee & Pearls is to find material that you’re probably not reading, put a Catholic twist on it and share it with all of you! I imagine there aren’t a ton of you reading business books, sales books, or books about how to create online courses. And yet the tips I find in these books would be so helpful to moms.

Today I want to share with you a quote from Ira Glass.  This is a popular quote that is shared among artists and writers who are feeling discouraged about their work. But this morning, I was thinking, this really is the same frustration we feel about marriage and parenting.

Here is the quote:

“Nobody tells this to people who are beginners, I wish someone told me. All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, it’s just not that good. It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get past this phase, they quit. Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. We know our work doesn’t have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know its normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work. Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you will finish one story. It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions. And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I’ve ever met. It’s gonna take awhile. It’s normal to take awhile. You’ve just gotta fight your way through.”

Now I did not have a lot of good examples of happy marriages or peaceful homes and certainly none that were Catholic. When I got married, I’m not sure I had many expectations for what Catholic marriage and motherhood should look like. But quickly, I found some superb examples and that’s when I would begin to feel discouraged.

There is something so wonderful about sitting with a mother in her fifties who has many children, some of whom have left the house and hearing her talk about family life. I could hold onto a cup of tea and listen to that mom speak for hours. Wisdom is dripping off of her and she casually chats about the whirlwind experience of raising a family.

I am especially in awe of veteran homeschoolers and I love to ask a million questions when I manage to grab them!

When I just had Rose Mary, I would often see moms with three or four kids and even though the noise might have been louder and the busyness of the children was happening around us, these moms had a peace about knowing how to handle their own kids. Now I see that I too am much more able to handle my four kids than I did my first one but I am now looking 10-20 years ahead at the mom who has raised teenagers and sent them off to college.

This quote is true whether you’re trying to produce physical work or whether you’re trying to be a good wife and a good mother. Your taste is likely far above your ability. But there is hope! In acknowledging that, it lessens our pain and frustration and it gives us a little extra strength to persevere. We know it will get better because WE will get better. There are just a certain number of spousal squabbles and toddler tantrums we have to experience before we too can refine our skills as wives and homemakers.

Like everything I talk about, I’d like to give it a spiritual slant as well. When Ira ends with “You’ve just gotta fight your way through,” I think this is especially true about Catholic motherhood and marriage. The devil is trying desperately to unseat the last hold that God has in our society, which is faithful families.

If he can disrupt your marriage, if he can make you feel unsatisfied with raising children, if he can turn your heart cold with bitterness or hot with rage toward God, he is one step closer to breaking up your family. And in my opinion, a family can be broken up without divorce. We can continue to live as a family in a dark and twisted environment of addiction, selfishness, and anger. We may even appear happy on the outside but if God is not the center of… everything… we are in danger of letting the devil win.

One thing I repeat to myself often about the tasks I choose to take on, the way I serve my family, and the work I do with all of you, is that God’s economy is the opposite of the world’s economy. God’s ways are not the ways of the world and so doing “the right thing” can often feel wrong. I love this quote from Fr. Kirby in his book Kingdom of Happiness, which I highly recommend:

While momentary happiness may be possible, true and consistent happiness can only be found in a world that is right side up; that is, facing in a direction beyond itself, toward God, who is all-good and the source of long-lasting happiness.

I want you to think today about ways that you are pleasing the world instead of pleasing God. It probably isn’t even a big things or an immoral choice but simply a choice that isn’t best. Go through your day or your calendar for the week. Imagine you’re telling Jesus about what you have to do. Now notice any time you feel uncomfortable, then sit with that feeling and ask yourself, “Why?”

Five Second Rule

Five Second Rule

 

Here is the latest Coffee & Pearls:

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Most days I wake up knowing what I’m going to tackle. I thought about it the night before. I might have even made a list of what was to come. I also try to take a few moments to visualize me crushing my goals for the day. These two things will go a long way to you running your day instead of letting your day run you.

But sometimes… I haven’t done these two things. I haven’t prepared the night before. I wake up feeling like I just want to hide in bed and avoid everything I have to do for the day. Sometimes I dread all the errands, the sibling squabbles, the toddler crying, and I even dread the bad things I just know are going to pop up even though I haven’t thought of them yet.

Yes, sometimes I wake up in a dark place.

I’m very grateful that a friend of mine was reading The Five Second Rule and told me how much she liked it. I Googled it and found that the author, Mel Robbins, has a Ted Talk (Watch Here) about the same topic. For those of you who want to read instead, here’s an article summing up this idea: http://melrobbins.com/five-elements-5-second-rule/

She says, “The 5 Second Rule is simple. If you have an instinct to act on a goal, you must physically move within 5 seconds or your brain will kill it.”

Basically, we have about five seconds from the moment an idea pops into our mind about something that we ought to do before our brain starts talking us out of doing that thing. As soon as I heard what she had to say, I instantly knew exactly what she was talking about. I have experience that negotiation so many times where my brain starts coming up with reasons why we shouldn’t workout or we don’t really have to sit down and do school with Rose right now. That voice usually sounds a lot like, “We can do it later.”

What I love about this concept so much is that it speaks to what I suspect a lot of women are suffering from. Many women tell me that they feel overwhelmed and they don’t know where to start or how to prioritize. But I think a lot of us are actually just staring at our living room, paralyzed about what we know we should do. If I asked you right now what three things you need to do today that would help your life, you could probably tell me.

The things is, those tasks are yucky. We don’t want to do them. We don’t feel like it.

Enter the five second rule. As soon as something pops into your mind, “I should do some laundry,” immediately begin counting down. You are now a Mom Rocket. 5-4-3-2-1 Blast off! You move your body and you take care of this right away.

I would like to add another layer to this already awesome concept. I would like to add the 15 Minute Sprint. I find that almost everything I need to do around my house, can be done in less than 15 minutes. It feels like an overwhelming burden because the list is long or I’ve been staring at my kids for 2 hours and I feel guilt over my lack of progress but in truth, I can slam out some amazing things in 15 minutes.

I want you to try turning your life into a game. How much can you get done in 15 minutes? You know you’re capable of amazing things because when you get a call that your mother-in-law is stopping by in 15 minutes, you can Wonder Woman tidy your house like WWIII depended on it.

This week, try combining these two strategies. First, act on your goals within five seconds of thinking of them. Don’t let your brain trick you into paralysis. Second, once you start working, push yourself to work as fast as you can so you can complete your task in 15 minutes. Once you’ve done this a few times, you’re going to start feeling confident! You’ll be pleased by the work that is done AND you’ll feel better about sitting on the couch and staring at your kids after you’ve gotten a few household things done first!

Here is a worksheet that you can use to write out all the 15 minute, 30 minute, and 60 minute tasks you can accomplish. Then, when you find a pocket of time, you can 5-4-3-2-1 yourself and dive right into one!

Blew My 2018 Goals Already

Blew My 2018 Goals Already

Here is the latest Coffee & Pearls:

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At the end of December, I launched the Catholics Crush Goals course. It was amazing! More than 300 people joined the program and so many wonderful conversations came out of it. I was really transparent with people about my goal setting process and my own personal goals for 2018. I had 8 main goals and smack dab in the middle was Goal #4: Don’t Get Pregnant! I even created a slogan for this goal: This is my baby-free year!

I had such big plans for the year and I was filled with joy as I shared them with my students!

Then last week, I got a positive pregnancy test. I’m not gonna lie, it was a huge blow. I was pretty devastated. I know, I know, a baby is always a blessing and this baby will be! I will love this baby with all my heart. But it’s okay to despair in the meantime and to wonder, “Why Lord?”

I quickly looked back and my chart to see what happened. It was totally my fault. I had been gluten and sugar-free for the weeks leading up to Christmas. Then for Christmas we ate ALL THE FOOD for four days straight. It wreaked havoc on my body and the bathroom situations weren’t exactly shiny and bright. Amidst all that, I thought I ovulated late but I must have ovulated and had my signs get swept up with the other things that were coming out of me and I didn’t catch it.

It doesn’t really matter. Here we are. I’m pregnant. My baby is due at the beginning of September. I usually go a little early so this baby and my last baby will be 13 months part.

The truth is, the other three times I’ve gotten pregnant this early have ended in miscarriage so it’s more likely than not that we won’t get to hold this sweet baby. But you can’t plan on that, so my heart is looking forward to September and planning accordingly.

So here’s what is going to change for me. I’m going to set down some big dreams I had for 2018. I’m going to try and let go of my bad body image and accept that God must love plumpy me for now since that seems to be the state I’m going to remain. I’m going to embrace not knowing what the future holds and to live each day simply… while also freezer cooking food before I start throwing up.

These are the books I’m going to be reading in the next few weeks:

If you have any other recommendation, I’m all ears!

So here’s what I have to say about being dealt some difficult news. And this is difficult news. It will either end in a miscarriage or having two babies thirteen months apart both of which will be hard for my mama heart.

But here’s what I know. I am strong. I can handle difficult things.

The pain of something, or your ability to live through that pain doesn’t change just because you know it’s coming. It shouldn’t be more scary. We are all capable of living with pain and in fact, God gives us precisely enough grace to survive. The fact that you’re reading this means that God has gotten you through all your pain 100% successfully so far.

Presently, my biggest pain is the waiting. I don’t know what feelings to process so I’m not really processing any. It doesn’t make sense to be sad before I’ve had a miscarriage and I feel too guarded to be excited about a baby that I might not get to hold. So I’m living in the in between and it’s painful.

Here are the five things I’m going to do to spend this next six weeks waiting to know God’s plan for us:

  1. Go to Adoration more. I’m going to try and go anytime I have a spare 30 minutes that I can sneak away. My husband’s work schedule has been crazy lately so it may not be that often but I’m going to actively be trying to find this extra time.
  2. Read. Reading helps me process and helps me point my heart toward God instead of toward my selfish nature or what the world tells me to want. I listed the books above that I plan on reading.
  3. Speak. I’ll keep recording Coffee & Pearls and putting out classes for Rekindle, Catholics Crush Goals and Catholic Minimalism. It helps me to help others. I feel a brightness in my soul when we come together to grapple with the struggles of this world.
  4. Cry. I’m going to let myself cry whenever I feel like it. I will cry happy tears, sad tears, tears of submission, and probably a category of tears I’ve never cried before. I will do this without judgement and just let them fall.
  5. Pray. I will continue to pray even if I feel nothing, especially if I feel nothing. We pray out of obedience because God created us to love Him. Prayer satisfies my soul even if I can’t feel that in my human flesh. We are a people of obedience and we must never stop praying. The Lord giveth and he taketh away. Praise be the name of the Lord.

Please pray for me. I’ll be praying for all of you, especially anyone who is in darkness or who feels like they are struggling. The Lord is great and generous even if we do not presently understand how.

I will leave you these words from Teresa of Avila:

We can only learn to know ourselves and do what we can – namely, surrender our will and fulfill God’s will in us.

When We Were Eve

Colleen Mitchell has written a new book! It’s called When We Were Eve and it’s pretty much what you’d expect. Lovely, heart-wrenching, uncomfortable and yet comforting at the same time. I’ll be honest, I didn’t want to read it. I didn’t feel like opening up my soul to some truth that would probably make me laugh and cry and stare at my own ugly. I knew I’d read it eventually because I like Colleen but December didn’t seem like the right time.

I’m writing this at the time of Advent and I really just want to think of the miracle of Jesus, not my own brokenness. I know they’re connected and Advent is a wonderful time for self-exploration and digging deep but you have to be brave to go on that journey.

God gave me the strength to be brave and it’s just what needed at precisely this time of year!

This book is about the raw truth of womanhood starting with Eve and then woven with truths from the rest of the Bible. It’s about how God sees us, how we see ourselves, and about the sin that keeps those two images from being the same.

Each chapter involves a story about Colleens own struggles with womanhood and you’ll feel like her friend by the end of it. At the end of each chapter she includes a story from a different woman, which honestly, made me feel like I was part of a beautiful community of Catholic women. We’re all broken and trying to figure this thing out together. We need more reassurance of that these days.

I was surprised how much I came away feeling as if I knew and understood Eve so much more. Previously, she was sort of a mythical princess of Eden. Pretty to be sure but also too difficult for my mind to comprehend as a real person. This quote in particular really struck me:

We know it, too, the inexplicable foolishness of wanting what we know we don’t need and how our minds can cloud with desire until it becomes doubt about what God really said. I used to look at Eve with a certain bitterness, blaming her for my own depravity. But when I am honest about my temptations and how easily they convince me that I know better than God, I can only embrace Eve with compassion and suffer with her what it is to know the shame of disobedience.

Colleen writes a lot about body image and perhaps that’s what I didn’t feel like reading. I mean who’s ever in the mood to stare their own body image issues right in the face? But it’s precisely what I needed even though I didn’t know I needed it. God reached out through this book and held me. He told me that He loves me just the way that I am and goodness, lately I had been doubting that a little.

This book gave me the courage to see my own body the way the Lord does. It also gave me a deep appreciation for Eve’s pain and how that echoes in each of us that have come after her.

In that heartbreaking moment, when Eve first looks down at her own body and sees it as bad, the flesh becomes, for the first time in human history, the object of a woman’s shame, something other than her apart from who she was made to be, something that risks her goodness rather than houses it.

I was pleasantly surprised how often Colleen talks about virtues. I’ve been reading about virtues a lot lately wanting to instill strong ones in my children. I was not expecting how she ties virtues, specifically growing in virtue, to our innate womanhood and our understanding of our purpose and our bodies. 

When we practice—and practice we must because we will surely be imperfect in our efforts— the virtues, we learn to keep our sensual pleasures ordered toward God and away from evil. Virtue becomes the measure that allows us to enjoy freely the beauty of this world we so naturally long for; we can be naked and without shame in the measure to which we desire those things as a pathway to earthly and eternal joy—a longing that we brought along with us when we left Eden behind.

My favorite section of the book is when she opens up Proverbs 31. I have always wanted to feel connected to the Proverbs 31 woman but every time I read about her, I feel a deep sense of hopelessness that I could never be her. Is this what God wants from me? Colleen takes your hand and leads you through this scripture in a way that makes you feel a little taller, a little stronger.

You probably won’t feel like reading this book. You’ll see the beautiful, soft green cover and you’ll want to toss it in a drawer so it stops looking at you. You know what waits there, growth and growth is always painful.

Read it anyways. It’s probably exactly what you need right now. Yes, I mean right now, no matter the season. You need some truth. You need some love. You need God to reach through these pages and give you the softest most comforting hug you’ve ever had. You need to cry and let our doubt and bitterness leak out of you so you can fill yourself back up with love and joy.

When you’re done, give it to a friend. We need to pour gold into the cracks of our broken sisterhood and see that God loves us through our mistakes. We can do this one woman at a time and eventually it will create and ocean of warmth and loveliness in the world.

Here’s a link to When We Were Eve. Share it with your friends.

Our Family’s Number One Rule

Our Family’s Number One Rule

 

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The number one rule in my house is: obey. That’s it. Everything else falls under that rule. I don’t expect my children to magically know what needs to be done around the house but I do expect that once I ask them to do something, they will do it right away.

A classical school near our house has a school saying about this. Obey, right away, all the way, cheerfully, every day.

Now to be honest, I don’t care about the cheerful part. I don’t accept sass or whining but I also don’t expect them to be chipper about doing the laundry. I’m still trying to cultivate a positive attitude while doing housework!

I do like that saying though and we’ve been trying it on for size as a family. It’s given me a really easy response to children who don’t do what I ask right away or all the way.

I’ve really come to see that my role as their parent is to ensure that know who Jesus is… who He is really is and how to have a real relationship with him. And it’s also my job to teach them obedience. After all, they’re going to leave my house and they must make their own choices. They will get to choose whether they want to obey the teachings of the church or not.

Obedience is painful.

Obedience is not fun.

Obedience is necessary for real peace.

If I don’t know them how to obey when they don’t feel like it, how will they know how to do that when they are tested in the world? The world makes it so easy to chase pleasure, money, and fame.

Here are three quotes that inspire me to teach my children obedience.

Love to be real, it must cost—it must hurt—it must empty us of self. -Mother Teresa

I want them to know that love is about serving those whom we love. It is not about warm, tingly feelings. It’s not about having fun. It’s not about who we like to hang out with. Love is about seeing someone else’s true value and because of that value, we choose to serve them.

To love God is something greater than to know Him. -St. Thomas Aquinas

We can have them memorize scripture, take religious classes, and learn what the catechism says but if we do not teach them to love God… to really love him in their hearts and with their actions… then the studying is worthless. Religion is not school, it is a lifestyle… a series of choices we make every single day.

Be a good child, and God will help you. -St. Joan of Arc

I feel yucky when I give into temptations and turn from God. We all do this in small ways every day. We choose the lesser path. We avoid doing something good because we don’t feel like it. When I am a “bad child” I feel it deep in my soul. What a gift then, that we can give our children, using these short years that we have them, how to obey God with childlike simplicity. I do not do that because God told me not to. It really is that simple.

I want my house to be a training ground of sainthood. Like turning out good soldiers, I want to turn out good saints. And to the outside world, we’re going to look bananas. I get that. God’s economy is almost always the opposite of that of the world. If God values it, it’s likely the world will stomp on it. It’s important that we understand WHY we are teaching our children obedience. It is through this that they may learn how to obey the Lord. And hopefully, along the way, this teaches us better obedience as well!

I’ll leave you with this verse from Ephesians 6:1-3:

Children, obey your parents [in the Lord], for this is right. “Honor your father and mother.” This is the first commandment with a promise, “that it may go well with you and that you may have a long life on earth.”

 

CLICK HERE for my amazing Advent guide!

How to be Catholic with no Traditions

How to be Catholic with no Traditions

Here is the latest Coffee & Pearls:

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Alright, it’s no secret I didn’t grow up Catholic. When I finally came into the Church at Easter vigil 2010, I had no idea just what I was stepping into. I thought I knew, but I really didn’t understand the depth and breadth of the Catholic faith, especially when it comes to traditions.

I knew Advent wreaths were a thing but that’s about all I knew of how to celebrate Christmas the Catholic way. There’s chocolate calendars too right?

Then I had my first child and I thought, “I should pass on traditions!” But I didn’t have any to pass on. I remember sitting down at my computer and feeling overwhelmed by all the options. And the truth is, most of the people who have websites dedicated to Liturgical Living, must also be related to Martha Stewart or Gordon Ramsey with how intricate their food and crafts were!

I felt unworthy. I felt lost. I felt like an outsider.

Now I’m not one to let negative feelings deter me so I pushed through and tried to celebrate a few things. We tried some Advent stuff and we tried a few feast days dedicated to popular saints.

I’m not gonna lie… it bombed. Turns out liturgical living with little children is tricky. I’m not going to say it’s not possible but when you take big kid activities and hope that you’re 3-year-old has a holy experience… it will probably end in frustration and tears… theirs or yours.

Those first few years were discouraging to say the least. I felt out of place. I also felt like a failure as I saw all these wonderful examples of liturgical living online.

Eventually I discovered a few things about myself and my children and I wanted to share them with you.

  1. I love me a good tea party!
    Guess what? It’s easy to brew tea and plop cookies, crackers, or fruit in front of your kids and call it a saint celebration. This is my jam! It’s easy, simple, and can be healthy too!
  2. Coloring pages and word searches can be like praying for children.
    After becoming a certified Catechesis of the Good Shepherd teacher, I really learned that the work of children ages 3-6 is to learn how to quiet their body and to listen to God. They can do that in so many ways! Coloring, searching for words, or even building things out of legos can be a true work for God. They don’t need to be praying the rosary or creating complex Catholic crafts to celebrate a feast day. Simply give them a coloring sheet and read a saint book out loud to them. It’s easy and powerful! You can do other things later when the kids get older but for now, this is a great start to your Catholic traditions.
  3. Simply marking time is enough to begin with.
    Forming life-long traditions takes time! You need to get to know the liturgical calendar. You need to get to know the saints. And you need to get to know yourself and what you like to celebrate. In the beginning, it’s enough to simply verbalize that today is a special day and do something very simple like light a candle and say a prayer. By starting small, you can begin to feel the beautiful rhythms of the Catholic church and to live with the liturgical calendar.
  4. Candles are cheap and powerful!
    I know, we tend to think of children and fire as a bad mix but hear me out. I light candles for three-year-olds in my atrium all the time. They’ve learned to respect the fire and to snuff it out when they are done praying. They are small tea lights and there is always an adult in the room. If we educate children about candles, they can rise to the occasion to treat them seriously. And guess what? They do! Kids love candles. It’s a great way to make them focused on their prayers to the Lord.
  5. They will remember!
    If your children are young or if they don’t seem to care about the celebrations that you’re doing, do it anyway. You are doing this as much for yourself as for them and they will remember. You are imprinting a way of life on their little hearts. In five years, they’ll be asking you, “When is St. Nicholas day?” Eventually, they’ll be old enough to help bake hot cross buns themselves. The magical liturgical moments in your mind, they will come but you have to lay the groundwork now!

We are a liturgical people. We have a longing in our hearts to live our lives through the changing seasons. God created us to love things that change and things that are constant and we find that in the calendar that changes throughout the year but is the same year after year.

So how do you be Catholic with no traditions? Just start one. Deepen your Catholic faith by adding some of these traditions in your home.

To make things easier, I teamed up with Ashley Woleban from www.betweenthelines.com to bring you an Advent Guide. This includes TONS of information but some special sections just for beginners!

Click Here To Get The Advent Guide

5 Ways To Get More Done, Mama

 

Here is the latest Coffee & Pearls:

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I just recently took a class on productivity. It was great! I kind of thought I “knew everything” about being efficient but this class pointed out a few things I wasn’t doing so I wanted to share them with.

Now remember, I don’t seek out ways to be efficient so I can get more things done. I try to work efficiently so I have more time to waste with my family.

In America, we’ve stopped valuing quality time. It feels like we should be working or cleaning. I know that’s difficult for me still. I struggle with giving myself over to nothingness… to just sitting around and chatting or taking a drive for no reason. But I also know how important it is to just spend uninterrupted face time with your husband and with your kids.

  1. Download the News Feed Eradicator for Chrome.
    This is a plug-in that you can add to your Chrome internet browser that disables the news feed of your Facebook account. This is especially important if you’re a blogger or do any kind of work through your Facebook account. It still shows you all your notifications and you can access all your pages but you can’t see the regular ‘ole news feed of all your friends. I didn’t realize how much time I spent scrolling through the feed until it was gone. I still find myself wanting to scroll but now it’s gone and I can’t!

    Here is a link to the News Feed Eradicator: https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/news-feed-eradicator-for/fjcldmjmjhkklehbacihaiopjklihlgg?hl=en
  2. Create a Time-In Jar
    This is actually something I thought of recently to help give a physical reminder to GET OFF MY PHONE! I got a mason jar and put some construction paper around it that had “Time In” written on it. The idea is that when I get home or come downstairs, I drop my phone in this jar and I spend time with my family. I don’t need to hold it, touch it, or look at it. I know where it is and I can check on it every 1-2 hours.

    This has helped me greatly to avoid the mindless refresh that’s so easy to do when your phone is sitting next to you! I’ll post a picture of this on my Instagram account so you can see it! I’m @sterlingjaquith.
  3. Put Your Phone in Do Not Disturb Mode
    I did not know about this mode a few weeks ago! Apparently, at least on an iPhone but I’m guessing on the other phones as well, you can put your phone in the Do Not Disturb Mode. This silences all notifications except a text or phone call from a person on your favorites list!

    Brilliant! Now I won’t miss a call from my husband but I don’t need to hear the reminders for doctors appointments or the library reminding me we STILL haven’t brought our books back! I think this is a great way to help us put those phones down and stop looking at them. We know we won’t miss anything important so it gives us the freedom to leave it alone!
  4. Get Dressed & Put Your Shoes On!
    This class I took was about people who work from home. The teacher said even though her office is across the hall from her bedroom, that she still puts her shoes on to know that’s now in work mode. I’ve heard this often about  motherhood too. Wake up and get dressed for the day. I go in and out of phases of doing that and since having Forest, I’ve definitely been out of that phase.

    So I’ve been starting to do that more and it feels great. I get dressed right away and I even brush my hair… gasp!!!

    Some of you don’t like wearing shoes in the house so you can skip that part. I happen to like wearing shoes in the house and it makes me walk around more so I do this part too!
  5. Consider Laundry Self-Care
    Most of you know I’ve been trying to lose weight and mamas…. It’s hard! I really hate moving my body. I loathe exercise. And so it’s not surprising that ANY barrier that pops up is welcome and I immediately latch onto it as an excuse why I can’t exercise.

    One of the easiest barriers to grab onto is the idea that I don’t want to wear several outfits in one day because it will create more laundry. Let’s say you woke up, put your day clothes on and now, at 10 a.m. you have a break to workout. You’d have to put your workout clothes on. Then you ought to take a shower (another big barrier for me) and after showering, you ought to put on clean clothes! That’s three outfits in one day!

    Now there are no rules that say you HAVE to do this but it’s easy for me to think I SHOULD and therefore, if I didn’t workout, it would create a lot less work for me!

    But in the end, I’m only hurting myself. Would I do laundry every day for six months if I could lose 30 pounds? Absolutely!

    So I’ve started viewing the extra clothes as self-care. We’re always saying we need to be better about self-care and so I’ve decided that doing more laundry is like taking a bubble bath. It’s taking some retraining of my brain but so far it’s working! I’m seeing the extra outfits as a gift to myself because in the end, there isn’t much I want more than to have a stronger, healthier and much smaller body!

Alright so there are five things I hope can help you feel like a more rockin’ mom! If you’ve changed something up in your routine lately, share with the group either as a comment on this blog post or over on my page www.facebook.com/sterlingjaquith

P.S. I was on Danielle Bean’s podcast girlfriends. Check it out here: http://daniellebean.com/sterling-advent/

God Sends Messengers

 

Here is the latest Coffee & Pearls:

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My husband sent this quote to me the other day. “God sends messengers, not books.”

At first I thought it was funny because I write books but then I sat with the quote a little bit longer. It’s true that for most of us, we’re going to encounter Christianity or the message of Christ through a person. Few of us will discover the world of Catholicism through a book. Most of us will meet a Catholic person, a messenger, and this will inspire us to pick up a book to learn more.

As we head into the holidays, you will no doubt see many people you haven’t seen in a long time. Maybe you’ll run into friends from high school, maybe you’ll see your extended family, or maybe you’ll volunteer at a soup kitchen and meet someone new.

You have an opportunity this year to be a messenger, a messenger for Christ.

As many of you know, I came to Jesus because I witnessed a beautiful and strong marriage. This marriage was so attractive to me that I figured I must need to be a Christian to have a marriage like that. It was a pretty selfish way to meet Jesus but I don’t think Jesus cares how we meet Him, just that we do.

You cannot meet Jesus and remain unchanged. You can deny the experience you had but I guarantee you will have an experience. If you don’t, I will suggest that you didn’t really meet real Jesus.

I imagine if you’re listening to Coffee & Pearls that you’ve met Jesus at some point so I won’t talk to much more about that. Instead, I want to focus on what happens after this encounter, specifically, after we have become Catholic.

You see, I went from a warm and loving Protestant church to a cold and distant Catholic church and it was so confusing. I certainly wasn’t expecting perfect humans. We are all broken and we live in a broken world. I think there is beauty and hope in this brokenness as we all rest in Christ trying to figure everything out.

But what I encountered instead of a community who rested together, seeking to repair the brokenness and try to be more like Jesus, was a community who was mostly defensive. It was as if they were in an ivory tower and I wasn’t allowed in. They were closed. They acted like they had it all figured out.

“We don’t need Bible studies, we have the Mass.”

They kept the Catholic treasure to themselves. I had to work really hard to find it on my own. I’m not sure why Catholics are so private.

When I read about the lives of the saints, they didn’t seem very private at all. St. Catherine of Sienna was a loud-mouthed rebel. St. John Vianney was a truth-teller who told it like it was without holding back.

I’m not asking you to be my best friend. I don’t need to know your whole life story. What I need is to be able to go to the hospital for sinners and not feel out of place. This is what we all need.

We need to be healed and we need to feel comfortable asking for it. We need each other. We need to lean on each other despite our sinfulness.

You’re not fine and that’s okay. You don’t have all the answers and that’s okay. Your job as a messenger is to say, “I’m not fine but I have Jesus so it’s okay.”

We don’t need to shine up Catholicism and pretend it makes us happy. It most certainly doesn’t. It’s hard. The bar is high but there is comfort in this. There is a great peace comes the more we embrace our faith by sacrificing what the world tells us we should love instead.

I’ve said this before but I think it’s such a great visual. Imagine that you’re wearing a t-shirt that says, “Watch how a Catholic handles this situation.” It’s so powerful to think about. In a way, we are always wearing that message whether we’re making good choices or not. And I want to suggest people are more aware of it when we’re acting without charity or kindness.

Your job this year, with both Catholics and non-Catholics, is to be a messenger. Tell people that despite your struggles, and mama I know you’re struggling, that your peace comes from Jesus. It doesn’t come from money, it doesn’t come from beauty, it doesn’t come from fame, and it doesn’t come from worldly success.

You know that things are going to be okay tomorrow because God loves you. He created you and He will give you everything you need until He calls you home. That means even if you die tomorrow… it’s still going to be alright because you will be with God.

Take a deep breath. Nothing that you’re dealing with is bigger than God. He loves you and He has a plan for you. Rest in that love. Rest in that peace.

Then let others sense your peace. This is how you bring the message of Christ to those around you.

Praying With Your Husband

 

Here is the latest Coffee & Pearls:

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Alright, let’s talk about something that we don’t talk about often… praying, out loud, with our husbands.

It’s awkward, y’all.

I’m sure there’s a perfect combination of Catholic upbringing mixed with maturity and open conversation… that leads to an instantly comfortable prayer life after the wedding but as that was not my personal experience, I won’t speculate what kind of couple starts out knowing how to pray right away.

For the rest of us, praying out loud with our husband did not come easy.

I imagine, like myself, many of you put it off for quite a while even knowing how important it is. Many of you listening still don’t pray out loud with your husband and I want to say, that’s okay, you’re not a terrible person. Hopefully after this episode, you feel inspired to try for the first time or try again.

First, let’s get this out of the way. Praying is very private. It’s hard to go from stream of consciousness prayers inside our heads to forming complete, non-ridiculous sentences in front of other people. It’s not weird that you think it’s weird to pray out loud with your husband.

I always find that it’s much easier to ask for help when I think it’s normal to ask for help.

So here’s how I went from awkward praying sessions to routinely praying out loud with my husband.

  1. Start with something easy. I’m talking one Our Father before you get into bed. It’s okay if makes you laugh. It’s okay if you roll your eyes. It’s important just to start. 
  2. Add in more easy things. When you’re ready to step it up, add a Hail Mary and a Glory Be. Then you’ll have the big three! 
  3. Hold hands. Okay, now you’re ready to take it to the next level. Pray while holding hands. Man this is hard. My husband and I do this every night and let me tell you, there are some nights when I’m so seethingly mad at him that I want to punch him in the face! Grabbing his hand and praying feels like one of the hardest things ever on those nights but I do it out of love and obedience to God who asked me to pray with my husband. 
  4. Free From Prayer. This is where you each take a turn praising God, giving thanks, or asking for help. This can be a big jump if neither of you are used to do this. I think the trick to trying this out for the first time is to just let each other know it can be messy, silly, poorly said, or incomplete sentences. This is from the heart and it doesn’t have to be anything. Give each other the space to try it out. 
  5. Choose a patron saint for your marriage. The next thing to do is to choose a patron saint for your marriage. Our is Our Lady Undoer of Knots. We pray every night asking her to help us undo the knots we’ve tied in our marriage. We try to celebrate her feast day on December 8th along with the Immaculate Conception as sort of a marriage anniversary too!

If your husband is uncomfortable,  you need to respect that. You can’t strong arm him into praying with you if he doesn’t want to. It’s likely to have the opposite effect that you desire. Instead, simply pray for him. Ask the Holy Spirit to come down and change his mind. Ask Mary to help soften your husband’s heart to the idea of praying and then just wait.

I’ve also tasked my husband with putting out a podcast about how important it is for husbands to pray out loud with their wives. He’ll do it this week and then I’ll post it!

Pray with your husband! Start at step one and keeping working on these steps until you’re doing all five. Yes, even if it takes years! In the meantime, I’ll be praying for you!

Saint Trainer

Saint Trainer

Here is the latest Coffee & Pearls:

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Recently I was asked, “Why are you qualified to teach other people how to be saints?” It was a fair question. There certainly isn’t a degree in saint training that I’m aware of. I’ve just sort of self-proclaimed that I am indeed a Saint Trainer.

I had never been asked this question before and it gave me pause. I thought for a moment. I almost let feelings of insecurity bubble up inside of me but then the Holy Spirit tapped me on the shoulder and said, “Because you’re a sinner.”

Yes! That’s it!

I am qualified to be a Saint Trainer because I am a sinner and that means you’re qualified to be a Saint Trainer too!

Okay, well it’s not just that we’re sinners. To be qualified you have to acknowledge you’re a sinner and desire to NOT be a sinner. By the very fact that you’re reading this blog post right now, you’re showing me that you don’t want to be a sinner. You want to be a good Catholic. You want to live out God’s will.

And my guess is that you aren’t quite sure yet how to do that or perhaps you’ve been told once (or a thousand times) but you need some inspiration for getting it done today.

To me, this is what sainthood is all about. It’s the baby steps. It’s the waking up each morning, each hour, each time I arrive home and saying, “I can do better. I want to do better.” Any moment we turn away from the glitzy trappings of the world and we choose Jesus, we are turning into saints.

I genuinely believe there are four things we need to do to become saints in Heaven.

  1. Reptent
  2. Believe in the Gospel
  3. Discern God’s will for our lives
  4. Obey God in that plan

Now typing out that list was awfully easy to do. Living out that list is rather difficult. Let’s break down each one and see if we can’t get better at being saints on a day-to-day basis.

Repent

After listening to a Fr. Riccardo podcast where he said, “We must become green berets of repentance,” I never think about repentance without that phrase coming to mind. It’s so powerful because we have this idea in our heads about what green berets do. They are the elite. They are strong. They don’t quit until they’ve completed their mission. They live with intensity.

We need to repent like that. All. The. Time.

This doesn’t just mean getting to confession monthly or weekly if that’s possible, it also means pausing all throughout the day and tossing up a genuine, “I’m sorry” to the Lord when we screw up. I do this all the time.

I’m sorry I was snippy.

I’m sorry I was just jealous of her.

I’m sorry I felt entitled to buying that thing I wanted.

I’m sorry I felt like you didn’t love me.

I’m sorry I wasn’t grateful for all my blessings.

We know… truly we know… when we have made bad choices, or less than ideal choices — when we have not done our best. If we seek to be green berets of repentance then our mission is to always be on the lookout for these small sinful moments and to repent about them immediately.

Believe in the Gospel

On some level I’m sure we all believe in the Gospel. After all we’re Christians! But when John asked us to believe in the Gospel, I think he was also asking that we know the Gospel.

I don’t know about you but I surely haven’t memorized all of any one of the four Gospels! I could do a much better job of reading these sections of the Bible over and over again until they become so infused in my subconscious that I can quote them easily to others or simply use them to calm myself down when I get anxious throughout the day.

Here is where I think we could all use some work. Most of us know our Bibles far less than the original Americans. Few of us sit around at night reading the Bible out loud to our family. To be honest, that sounds awfully boring to me! Maybe I’d like that if I dressed up like a Colonial and lit a candle and pretended we had no modern entertainments!

And yet, I have to ask myself, do you really want to be a saint? How can you be a saint if you don’t make it a priority to know, and maybe even memorize, all the words that Jesus said while He walked on Earth?

Guys I’m still working on this but I believe it’s an important ingredient for modern sainthood!

Here is an awesome book to help you memorize the faith (or anything) Memorize The Faith

Discern God’s Will For Our Lives

This is a toughy. There’s no magical formula for this. If there were, I’d write a book about it and sell millions of copies! How do we discern God’s will?

Don’t you just feel like if Jesus came down and asked you to do… anything…. that you’d smile and say, “Of course Jesus, anything for you!” But most of us have not had that experience and so we feel like we’re left to guess and puzzle it out on our own.

Honestly, I think the key to discerning God’s will is to spend more time in silence and especially in Adoration. I say that with a deep sigh because those two things are particularly difficult to me. They always sound wonderful until the moment I have to make time for them and then despite how healing and lovely they are, I never feel like doing it. So I can’t promise you that you will suddenly crave silent prayer time or hours in Adoration but I do believe these are key to hearing the will of God for our lives.

You can read Discerning the Will of God by God: An Ignatian Guide to Christian Decision Making by Timothy Gallager 

Or A Practical Guide to Discern God’s Will which is only $.99!

Obey God In That Plan

Once you have spent time in prayer and tried to discern the will of God for your life, your job is now to live that out. Take what you’ve heard in the whisperings of your time with Jesus and throw yourself into those plans.

I’m surprised how difficult this is sometimes. I will come away from Adoration with a crystal clear idea of what I think God is asking me to do and then somehow between the hustle and bustle of the next day and the noise that the world fills my ears with… I suddenly forget. I take a few steps off the path and I stop pursuing the crystal clear plan.

I believe this is why journaling and doing an examination of conscience at the end of the day is so important. We need to write down what we think we hear God telling us and then we need to revisit those notes often. We need to ask ourselves at the end of the day, “How did I do? Did I try hard to live out God’s plan for my life today?” And if we didn’t… well we can go straight back to being green berets of repentance.

I think most of the time we know when we’re winging it or going our own way versus trying to live a Christ-centered Catholic life. I believe if we just spent a little more time asking ourselves which path we’re walking on… our own or God’s…. we would find a lot more peace.

I hope this makes you feel hopeful. I hope you will walk away from this with a renewed sense or purpose and at least a better understanding of what questions you should be asking yourself each day!

I want you to know that you too are qualified to teach other people how to become saints! And if that sounds like fun to you, do it! We need more saint trainers out there!

You’re Amazing

You’re Amazing

Here is the latest Coffee & Pearls:

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Last week my new book, Not Of This World, splashed into the world and created a lot of noise. I am grateful for all the love and support I received not only about the book itself but about my mission to spread minimalism throughout our Catholic communities.

There were many people, both online and in person, who looked at me with genuine smiles and said, “You’re amazing!” And while I’m flattered by the compliment and grateful for these relationships… I’ll be honest… I don’t feel any more amazing than I did last month.

I’m still the same me. I’m still a stay-at-home mom who’s trying to love her kids and point them to Jesus in a distracting world. I’m a Catholic convert. I think that’s amazing.

I also, wanted to grab each one of my friends and say, “Actually, I think YOU’RE amazing!” Because truly, each one of them is really special in their own way. I don’t mean that as a cheesy, one-liner, I see beauty and talent in every single person I meet. And yet even as this occurred to me, I found that I lacked the vulnerability to be able to say that.

I didn’t want to seem ungrateful by turning the compliment around to my friend. I didn’t want the compliment to seem forced or coerced because it wasn’t. I didn’t want my friend to feel embarrassed.

I was surprised by these feelings! Why do we not feel comfortable telling our friends, our very good friends that we love them and think they’re amazing?

Picture it right now. Close your eyes and picture telling one of your friends, “I love you. I think you’re amazing and I’m glad you’re my friend.” I don’t know about you, but I feel uncomfortable with that scene. I feel nervous… like a girl asking a guy out on a date and waiting to be rejected. I feel laid out and exposed.

But why?

Why is it that after someone does something sensational, like writing a book, we finally feel free to throw out genuine compliments? Why can’t we do that on a regular Tuesday morning over coffee?

To be honest, this isn’t a post about having the answers because I don’t really have the answers yet. I want to be a better friend.

I want my friends to know that I think they’re amazing just for being Catholic in a world that really doesn’t like Catholics right now. I think they’re amazing for being open to life and having lots of little kids around. I think they’re amazing for balancing work with being a wife and a mom in a world that doesn’t value the latter!

So here’s what I think we should do and I’m going to do this too even though it’s outside of my comfort zone. I think we should start sending text messages, Facebook messages, or emails to our friends. Bonus points if you do this over the phone or in person!

I think we should say something like this to all the special women in our lives:

I love you. I’m grateful for our friendship. I think you’re amazing because <insert totally normal and every day thing here>. I prayed a Hail Mary today thanking God for our friendship.

I’m pretty sure if someone sent that to me, I’d cry. It’s sad that we live in a world with such little validation.. the real kind… not a virtual like. We crave community so much and yet we don’t know how to bring it about. Let’s start today but simply thanking those we do have in our lives.

I have a copy of The Friendship Project: The Catholic Woman’s Guide to Making and Keeping Fabulous, Faith-Filled Friends and it’s in my queue but I haven’t read it yet. I’m guessing it’s just what we need to help us with this problem. I’ll post a review of it as soon as I’m finished with it and let you know exactly how practical I think it is!

I’ll continue to pray for the Catholic community as a whole and specifically for lonely moms who need good friends for this rough journey of life.

From Hard to Full

From Hard to Full

Here is the latest Coffee & Pearls episode:

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If you’ve been following Coffee & Pearls for the last two years, you know I’ve had a crazy life. Between buying a fence company, having a new baby, writing three books, and homeschooling… my life has been busy!

The other day, my husband came home and asked me how my day was. I took a big sigh and said, “It was so hard!” He paused for a moment and gently said, “You know, you say that almost every single day.”

I considered that for a moment. Do I really say that every day is hard? And I had to admit that yes, yes I do say that. It’s really easy for me to toss that word around.

Church was hard.

Dinner was hard.

Taking the kids to the park was hard.

My day was hard.

And yet when I stepped back and thought about the week as a whole, I thought, “We had a fine week!” I thought of the positive things that I remembered. So why was it hard for me to see this on a day-to-day basis?

It’s easy for us to be slaves to our feelings. I feel tired, irritated, thwarted, touched out, not enough, overwhelmed, etc. We allow ourselves to dwell in these feelings without stepping back to question them.

So when my husband comes home from work and asks how my day was, I feel flooded by these difficult feelings and I tell him the day was long and hard.

Ever since he pointed that out to me, I’ve been challenging myself to strike that word from my vocabulary. I’m trying to use different words to describe what motherhood is like all day long. No word could adequately describe what I actually experience. I find that I experience the full range of my feelings every single day from joy to madness and everything in between.

Yet when I look back on my week, I am pleased with what I’ve done, I’m so happy to be the mother of my children, and I feel pretty good about my life in general.

The word that has resonated the most with me has been “full.” My day was full. My heart is full. My cup of coffee needs to be full!

Peter and his companions were very sleepy, but when they became fully awake, they saw his glory and the two men standing with him.
Luke 9:32

The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.
John 1:14

Half an hour’s meditation is essential except when you are very busy. Then a full hour is needed.
St. Francis de Sales

Remember that when you leave this earth, you can take with you nothing that you have received – only what you have given: a full heart, enriched by honest service, love, sacrifice and courage.
St. Francis of Assissi

 

My hope for you is that you too can turn hard days into full days. Love Jesus fully with your heart. Be present fully with your family. Allow yourself to be full of the Holy Spirit!

Thank you everyone who downloaded, purchased, reviewed, and read my new book Not Of This World. You all are amazing! All the audio files from my minimalism videos are available on the Catholic Minimalism podcast on iTunes! You can easily download it through the apple podcast app or you can go here to catch it: http://catholicminimalism.libsyn.com/rss

Universal Mortification

Universal Mortification

Here is the latest Coffee & Pearls:

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This post is a part of a Marian Virtue Series, running every Wednesday and Friday. It will conclude on the Feast of Our Lady of the Rosary. If you are just joining the series now and want to learn more you can start here: Introduction to Marian Virtue Series.

Previous Blog Article: Constant Mental Prayer The Green Catholic Burrow 

Next Blog Article: Ardent Charity – A Beautiful, Camouflaged, Mess of A Life

This post features a giveaway from Trenzilly. Please keep reading to find out more!

When I first heard of the Marian Virtues series,  I knew I wanted to participate. I also knew I wanted to write about Universal Mortification because it was the virtue that made me the most uncomfortable. How better to grow with Mary than to work on my weakest Marian virtue? I did some digging to learn a little bit more about these two words. I had an idea of what they meant separately, but I wanted to know what they meant together.

I really liked this description of mortification from All to my All: “mortification is the ability to consistently bear the pain of right choice. Real mortification is not just the pain of our dying to this life of corruption in order to live again in the incorruptible truth of Jesus Christ, our Savior, our All.”

The virtue is more simply described by at Lifeteen as the following: Universal Mortification: Seeking to lay down her life and her will at every moment.

Women of the Word shares this quote from the New Catholic Encyclopedia Mortification is the deliberate restraint that one places on natural impulses in order to make them increasingly subject to sanctification through obedience to reason illumined by faith.”

When I took in these various definitions, they all pointed to sacrifice. Mary was willing at any time, in any place, to sacrifice anything for the Lord. That included her own desires, giving up the best of something and settling for the good, trusting Him blindly with no idea where He was leading her.

It’s not hard for me to see where I struggle with this. I want to be in control. I want things my way. I want to be comfortable and to avoid pain. I don’t want to wait on God’s timing and I often say that I trust the Lord with my words, but doubt Him in my heart when I cannot see the future clearly.

Perhaps because Mary was human, and because she is my mother, it is easier and more natural for me to come to her with these weaknesses rather than straight to Jesus. I fall to her feet begging for her guidance and her intercession.

“Teach me to be like you sweet mother.”

“Ask your son to forgive my weakness and my self-centeredness.”

“Help me to put Jesus and others above myself.” “Help me to choose eternity in Heaven over fleeting pleasures here on Earth.”

And most of all, “Help me to teach my children the virtue of universal mortification.”

Going back to the definition, “Seeking to lay down her life and her will at every moment,” I see how far I have to go to capture every moment for Christ as Mary did. But I also see great hope that I have room to improve. It is not discouraging to me that I will likely work on this for my entire life.

I think of climbing a tall ladder up to our Blessed Mother who waits for me in Heaven. Would we not gladly climb thousands of steps to reach her?

When I find myself struggling with pride and wanting to… well avoid mortification… I think of St. Faustina. She endured so much suffering as many of the nuns she lived with, not only didn’t believe she was experiencing visions, but would put her down right to her face telling her that she was lying for attention. How awful!

St. Faustina also mentions that there were times other nuns would think the worst of her, and instead of correcting them by giving a very reasonable explanation for what she was doing, she kept quiet and let them continue to think less of her. This sacrifice she made for the Lord and as always for sinners.

This is a relevant way that moms can offer up suffering to the Lord. How quickly we want to jump in and defend our choices and shine up our reputations. To instead allow ourselves to be thought of poorly and to not let it bother us, is an incredible sacrifice. Yet, I think this is worth trying because we will not only find freedom in letting these battles go but we can offer up our suffering for the salvation of sinners. When you think of it like that, who cares if some people have the wrong idea about you? Jesus knows the truth and who else really matters?

It is not surprising to me that most of my favorite saints had a great devotion to our Blessed Mother. Life is so challenging, I cannot imagine enduring such ups and downs without her to sweeten my trials. One of the best ways to grow in our faith is to meditate on the Marian Virtues while praying the rosary.

I wear a blue scapular for the Marians of the Immaculate Conception and I try to pray meditate on the Marian Virtues while praying the rosary every day.  If you have never tried this devotion, I highly recommend doing it one year for Lent or Advent! Give yourself to the Blessed Mother and she will pour herself into you. The more you embody these ten virtues, the more peace you will find in your life as you draw closer to her son, Jesus Christ!

Before we get to the AWESOME giveaway, I wanted to share that the Kindle version of my new book, Not Of This World: A Catholic Guide To Minimalism, is FREE until September 17th! Download a copy and please tell your friends, especially your parish mom’s group or any other Facebook groups you’re part of! Thanks so much!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

One lucky reader will win an Our Lady of Lourdes Soft Saint Doll from Trendzilly. Ann-Marie is a stay-at-home, homeschool mother of 4 boys. She started Trendzilly in late 2013 to generate additional income and inspire little ones in the faith by creating and selling handmade soft saint dolls along with many religious, holiday and party printables. Her dolls made of soft fleece are cut out by hand and have a sweet machine embroidered face. She puts great care into the quality of each doll and she gladly accepts custom orders.

Please support this amazing Catholic author and continue to join us in this Marian Virtue Series.  

Tough Love Saints

Tough Love Saints

Here is the latest Coffee & Pearls Podcast:

Scroll down to read it as a blog post!

NOTE: This is one of the rare blog posts where there is a lot more said in the podcast than you’ll read below!

I’ve been wanting to talk more about the idea that we must “be a scientist” when it comes to our own life. No one will be better at understanding you than… you.

Being a scientist means that we can objectively step back from our own situation to assess what’s going on. What’s working? What’s not working? What things can I control and what things can I not control? And perhaps most important, what is my desired outcome?

Now don’t get me wrong, if you’re happy, that’s awesome. If you are content in your situation, rock on. I’m talking to those of us who feel a sense of unrest. We want something to be different but we can’t seem to make it happen.

It is so easy for us to act like victims to all the things around us. I’m guilty of this all the time. I often act as if “I couldn’t possibly have done x, y, and z” because of the awful day I had. But the truth is, if it were the zombie apocalypse, I would do incredibly hard things for 12+ hours a day.

Humans are capable of amazing feats. Most of us are simply clinging to comfort and consumerism which gets in the way of achieving our potential.

There are many different aspects of our lives that we want to change. I want to first focus on growing in our faith life because really, this should always be the first thing we focus on but I also believe that by diving deeper into our faith life, we can gain clarity on prioritizing the rest of our lives and the strength to really make lasting changes.

I’m going to use some quotes from saints to help deliver some tough love about how important it is to be honest with ourselves, to work hard, and to have a deep faith life.

This is the very perfection of a man, to find out his own imperfections. -St. Augustine

To live is to change, and to be perfect is to have changed often. -Bl. John Henry Cardinal Newman

Let us begin in earnest to work out our salvation, for no one will do it for us, since even He Himself, Who made us without ourselves, will not save us without ourselves. -St. Margaret Mary Alacoque

You must ask God to give you power to fight against the sin of pride which is your greatest enemy – the root of all that is evil, and the failure of all that is good. For God resists the proud. -St. Vincent de Paul

You cannot be half a saint; you must be a whole saint or no saint at all. -St. Therese of Lisieux

I hope you’re feeling fired up! Now I want you to make some time this week to sit down and ask yourself, what is holding you back from living a more faithful life? How can you be a better Catholic?

After you go through this exercise, you might want to tackle another area of your life. Why are you not losing weight? Why are you stressed all the time? Why is your marriage uncomfortable? Why do you feel like a bad mom?

It’s so easy for us to see patterns and weaknesses in our friends. Your job is to step back from your own life and assess what’s really going on. No excuses. What are you capable of?

In the end, you may decide you aren’t willing to take on the pain and discomfort to change. That’s okay! But hopefully identifying that and saying it out loud will give you more peace about your current situation.

If you’re feeling brave, pop on over to Facebook and share your experience! If you just want some love and support, feel free to email me. It’s my full name at gmail.com!

Winging It Homemaking

Winging It Homemaking

Here is the latest Coffee & Pearls Podcast:

Scroll down to read it as a blog post!

Let’s talk house cleaning! Looking back through my posts, I see that I don’t write about homemaking that often. In the Catholic Mom Challenge, we talk about the importance of being a homemaker. It’s a lost art really. Most of us have no idea how to be homemakers. I know I certainly didn’t when I got married.

It’s important to create a peaceful environment at home. You want your house to be a sanctuary for your family so they can leave the broken and chaotic world and feel safe at home. That doesn’t you have a house that looks like a Pottery Barn catalog or a home where everything is always put away. After all, we live here and I have four kids now!

When I first became a stay-at-home mom, I found myself swinging from trying to implement an ultra complex cleaning system to staring at my clutter while sitting in the living room. Neither of these worked and I was driving myself crazy. As I look back, I’m not sure my kids or my husband really noticed or cared.

You have to be honest with yourself, what is truly important to you and what kind of environment does your family need?

Lately, I don’t find that much stress about keeping my home tidy and I was trying to figure out why since it used to cause me great anxiety. Here’s what I think the difference is:

  1. Paralysis Analysis – I used to want the perfect system. I wanted something comprehensive so I could see the whole picture and then tackle tasks systematically. But I would spend so much time thinking about a system, reading about systems, or writing a system down that I would burn myself out before cleaning anything!

    Now I have no system. The only tenants I try to follow are laundry M/W/F and I do it completely from wash to put away, and clean bathrooms on Thursday or Friday. Pretty weak system but hey, I do it!
  2. Just Do It – The big difference between have one or two children and having four is that you don’t have a lot of time to sit around thinking about what needs to get done, you just do it. I have two rounds of cleaning per day, one before naps and one before or after dinner depending on our evening activities.

    The kids know this and my husband knows this. Whoever is home, pauses what they’re doing and we all clean for maybe 15-30 minutes. It really isn’t long at all and you can get a lot done in that time. We usually do laundry, dishes, tidying up rooms, sweeping or bathrooms.

    I simply ask myself, “What needs to be done right now?” I do that thing and then I ask myself again.

    On Saturdays we spend 1-2 hours doing bigger cleaning projects like mopping all the floors, backyard stuff, or special projects.
  3. It’s Mostly About You – This may be different in different homes but I have found that I care the most about how the house looks. My husband wants a clean area to make breakfast in the morning clean clothes… that’s it! All the rest of it, the standards for what means the house is clean, is all in my own head. This picture also changes whether I’m having friends over or hosting an event.

    No matter what’s going on though, I’ve realized there is no “right” way to live. Once I accepted that, I started to notice what made me happier at home. I found that I didn’t care much about sweeping or vacuuming but I do really value clear surfaces. I don’t like clutter.

    Now I focus on tidying more than deep cleaning. It takes less time and I’m happier at home. I’m pleased when I look around and things are put in their place. I don’t mind whatever is on the floor!

    Have a conversation with your family about what’s important to them, I mean really important. Try to tackle these things daily or every few days. Leave the rest on a weekly or bi-weekly rotation.
  4. Less Is More – My new book about minimalism is coming out soon and it’s all about how much more peace we have when we own less stuff. The more I purge from my home, the easier it is for me and the kids to take care of our spaces. We’re all a lot more calm too. Just looking at less stuff makes you happier.

    Simply owning less is a large key to successful homemaking. Chances are, you don’t need or use at least 20% or your stuff. And while I love a good “whole house purge,” I rarely have time for that. Instead, I purge a little bit every week. I look around and constantly ask myself, how can I simplify this space and what can I get rid of?

    This way it’s never very overwhelming or emotional. These baby steps feel way more manageable.

I know there are lots of books, websites, and programs out there that outline home cleaning systems. That may be exactly what you need. But I want to challenge you. Perhaps what you need is to just schedule quick blocks of cleaning and time and just get to it. I bet you know what needs to be done and you can knock out a great deal in 30 minutes twice per day.

Pop over to my Facebook page and share your home cleaning successes and challenges!