Coffee & Pearls is a weekly podcast where I share wisdom to help Catholic Moms get a better handle on their lives. If you don’t want to listen to the podcast… no problem! The entire episode has a corresponding blog post that you can read instead!

I Just Want

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Here is the latest Coffee & Pearls Podcast:

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NOTE: Most of the time my blog entry is almost exactly the same as my podcast but for some reason, the Holy Spirit just jumped right in and I say a lot more on this week’s podcast that is typed up below. Check if out if you want some more details!

The other day I was caught saying, “I just want our business to work.” I was complaining to my husband about a particularly unfortunate series of events. I was feeling deflated. My spirits were low and I wanted an easy way out.

My husband gently reminded me that the phrase, “I just want…” is one that we should cut out of our language. There is nothing in the world that we just want except God. Think about something that you “just want” and imagine for a moment that you got it. It wouldn’t be long before you would just want something else.

Often times we think we just want…

…a happy marriage

…more money

…healthy children

…our own health

…a better job

But in the end, none of those things will satisfy us. If we had a million dollars, a stunning marriage, healthy bodies and healthy children, we would still feel an emptiness inside. The only thing that can fill that is Jesus.

Here’s what I want. I just want each one of you to have a light bulb moment today that what you really need is Jesus. Every single one of you needs more Jesus in your life. You need to spend more time loving him, more time talking to him and more time telling what you need.

Here’s a good exercise to go through. Get out a piece of paper and rip up several strips. On each of those strips write down all the “just want” things in your life. Put down all the things you think would make you finally feel happy.

If possible, find a way to burn those pieces of paper. We have a wood burning fireplace so it’s a nice easy way to do this. If you don’t, you can simply rip them up and toss them in the trash. You could also rip them up and put them in a glass of water to watch them float away.

Do something visual and pray while you’re doing it. Pray the Our Father, pray the Hail Mary and then just free form pray asking God to give you the strength to choose Him first over everything else.

I thought it was time we lean on some more saint wisdom so I wanted to mention five quotes in particular that I often use to get me more excited for living a Catholic life instead of the glitzy life the world tells me to live.

“Ignorance of Scripture is ignorance of Christ.” -St. Jerome

“Don’t you long to shout to those youths who are bustling around you: Fools! Leave those worldly things that shackle the heart – and very often degrade it – leave all that and come with us in search of Love!” – St. Josemaria Escriva

The nation doesn’t simply need what we have. It needs what we are.” -St. Teresia Benedicta (Edith Stein)

“We are to love God for Himself, because of a twofold reason; nothing is more reasonable, nothing more profitable.” -St. Bernard of Clairvaux

You cannot be half a saint; you must be a whole saint or no saint at all.” -St. Therese of Lisieux

Quotes from the saints are one of the ways I stay grounded. I need these words of wisdom to counter the negative messages swimming around in my mind. And I think it’s such a beautiful thing that our Catholic church gives us these saints as examples for how we can live out our life. There are thousands of them so we can surely find a few who resonate with us.

This week I want you to do the Just Want paper ripping exercise and I want you to find one saint quote that you can keep with you. Put it on a piece of paper or a notecard and stick it in your purse. You’ll know it’s there.  You’ll know it’s with you. You can pull it out if you need to or you can just stand taller and feel proud that this piece of wisdom is with you, all the time.

It’ll be like your Catholic gem that you can draw strength from.

Bookkeeping in God’s Economy

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Here is the latest Coffee & Pearls Podcast:

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It can be difficult to know how we should spend our time. Most of are not called to cloistered life and few of us will serve out religious vocations where we pray for many hours of the day. The rest of us are left to try and figure out what to do to bring glory to God with the people and the tasks He has put right in front of us.

It’s easy to be confused too. The world has some very specific measurements for success: fame, beauty, and money.

But often we find that God’s economy is the complete opposite. Those who are last are first. I’m sure when we get to Heaven, we will discover thousands of saints that weren’t famous at all. We already know that many saints were not classically beautiful by the world’s standards. Many saints were dirt poor and some who were rich gave all their money away.

With these conflicting ideas, where are we to start? Who should we set out to become? What is our own measurement of success?

I have been asking myself this question lately after publishing my first book. How do I decide if it was “successful?” I knew it wouldn’t be a New York Times Best Seller. I had always planned on launching the ebook version for free so I could get it to as many moms as possible. I had read how important it was to get at least twenty reviews on Amazon so the algorithms of that site take you more seriously.

But would sales, reviews or downloads make my project successful?

When you are working for Christ, you must use a different measurement stick. I told my husband a few months ago that my biggest hope would be to get emails from women telling me that my book actually helped them.  Getting those messages is my favorite part of Coffee & Pearls.

In the end, even if we truly and genuinely help one soul turn more toward Christ, our efforts will have been worth something.

Going back to what I mentioned a few weeks ago, we can plant little seeds in everyday conversations.  We can put little markers that lead people back to Jesus. Souls are what matters. Eternity is what matters.

If you find yourself worrying about money, promotions, awards, popularity, even security… remind yourself that in the end, none of these things matter. Sure, they may make the journey easier and they may enable you to have the resources to help more people… but it’s the helping more people that really matters.

You are going to die and God is going to review your life with you. How confident are you that what you’re choosing to focus on is something you’d be proud to tell Him about?

“Blessed are those who fear the Lord.” We are not talking about the paralyzing fear that keeps you hiding under your covers and afraid to live your life. We’re talking about the genuine fear of getting to the end of your life and disappointing God. It’s the fear of realizing that we constantly chose the easy way out or the pleasure of sin over what God has asked us to care about.

“For to everyone who has, more will be given and he will grow rich; but from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away.”

I’ve always liked this quote a lot because it makes me think about peace. Because we are constantly thinking about money, it’s easy to think this refers only to wealth.  I think this can also be said of our peace and trust in the Lord.

When we trust in God and we have peace, I believe we discover even more peace.  We also take the peace we have and we spread it to those around us. But when we are scared that we’re missing out on worldly things and we’re afraid of not having enough fame, money, beauty, we lose our peace and that often leads us to lose even more peace.

In God’s economy “to have” means “to give”. Too many of are focused on the having.  The more we start to give, the more we’ll find peace because that’s how God’s economy works. And I imagine we won’t know until the very end of our life how very much we’ll get from living a life of giving to others.

One way we can better keep an accounting of how we’re doing is by journaling at night. See at night, when we write down what we’ve done for the day, we can more clearly see the genuinely good things we’ve done and the ways we’ve strayed away from the Lord.  This is especially good to do after we do an examination of conscience. None of us will write in our journal, “Had a great time gossiping with my friend about another mom.”

Journaling helps us quiet the lies of the world and focus on what’s true and good. It also helps us see the ways we weren’t our best. When I sit down to journal, I can’t lie to myself about what I’ve done for the day. It’s all laid out there for me to see. When I’m writing, I think of standing before God and telling Him about my day. It’s good to have those moments every day so we don’t die having never really examined our own life.

Where do you have your priorities turned around?

If you’re not journaling, why don’t you choose that as something to try out for Advent this year?

 

Why We Censor Outlander and HGTV

Why We Censor Outlander and HGTV

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Here is the latest Coffee & Pearls Podcast:

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One of the favorite posts I’ve ever written was Wisdom from Children’s Bible Songs.  In it, I mention the lyrics, “Oh be careful little eyes what you see.” It’s a song about guarding your heart by guarding your eyes and I think there is so much wisdom in that advice.

As adults, when we finally get old enough to watch whatever we want because our parents aren’t around to filter our options, we learn that watching a scene of people doing drugs… doesn’t suddenly make us want to run out and do drugs. And for me at least, it took a long time before I realized that just because I could watch something, didn’t mean that I should.

My criteria for what my husband and I watch is much stricter than it was when we first got married. I see now how easy it is to become a fuddy-duddy in your older age.  It’s not that you’re confused about what’s cool or you feel like sinning is a disease that you can catch from your television, I think you just realize that life is short and you don’t need to be exposed to more ugliness in the world.

There is already enough actual violence and ugliness in the world.  I don’t need to process and live through scripted violence. This is especially true for me when it comes to rape, kidnapping, or any harm befalling children. I have a hard enough time guarding my heart and not falling into endless worrying about my own children, I don’t need to add fear coming from a made-up, cinematic world on top of real world issues.

It’s also important to recognize our own weaknesses. My husband went to college when porn was prevalent in the dorm rooms and treated like a casual occurrence. After he became Catholic, he had to work hard to deny the impulse to click around in the murky waters of the internet. I’m glad that he was able to manage that issue before we got married but I know that I have to be sensitive to this issue for him.

Even though I can watch sex scenes or topless women and feel completely unaffected by it, he cannot. He says those images linger in his mind and then he feels guilty every time they pop up. That sounds awful to me and I don’t want to contribute to that struggle for him, in any way.  We use VidAngel in our house to cut out sex scenes and nudity.

In marriage, you’re a team and to support my husband, I don’t watch any sex on television. Yes, that means I cut out all the steamy scenes from Outlander that I hear people talk about. We sensor Game of Thrones too. I’m thankful for VidAngel because there were a lot of shows we avoided altogether previously that we are now able to watch.

The other big category of shows that we censor are what I like to call “Make Me Want to Move” shows. You see, the thing about censoring television, is you have to guard your eyes against things that are bad for your heart. When I watch shows like Fixer Upper or something with Property Brothers, I find that I am often suddenly unhappy with my perfectly good home.

I want beautiful white trim or built-in bookshelves. I want to remodel my kitchen or have different furniture. For me, this is just as dangerous as nudity can be for my husband. I suddenly find myself feeling ungrateful for what I have and feeling greedy about what I think I “deserve.”

If you can watch a remodeling show and not feel bad about yourself or your home, watch it. If you can watch sex scenes in Outlander and not grapple with sinful thoughts, go for it.

Everything I write about always incorporates self-awareness.  You need to know what you can and can’t handle. Do not watch any television show or movie that makes you feel unhappy about your life. If you can’t watch hallmark Christmas movies because you suddenly feel that your husband isn’t romantic enough, then stop doing it.

Ladies, we need to guard our eyes.

There are many ways that we need to exercise this other than just what we watch on our television sets. I don’t often go to Nordstrom anymore because I feel really inadequate walking through those aisles of expensive and trendy clothes. I don’t feel that way about other stores so I just protect myself in the ways I know I need to.

Work on identifying the shows or movies you tend to watch that make you feel bad later. You may even enjoy watching them but if you find that after a Master Chef marathon, you start beating yourself up for your simple dinners, that might not be a show you can watch anymore.

I also suggest talking with your husband about what kind of shows you’re willing to watch together or separately. Be a team and fight for each other. Your job is to get your husband to heaven. Don’t let trendy shows make his path more difficult.

Guard your eyes. Nothing is worth sinning even one time. Don’t lie to yourself that some sins are small and so they don’t matter. All the moments we turn away from God are hurtful. There are always consequences when we don’t walk with Jesus.

Choose wisely.

Like A Cute Boy With A Guitar

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Here is the latest Coffee & Pearls Podcast:

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I had the privilege of attending the St. Catherine of Siena Set the World Ablaze conference for Catholic women in Altadena, California this last week.  It was an uplifting weekend filled with laughter, inspiration, and delicious sandwiches. Because we don’t keep bread in my home, sandwiches have become like a fine dining treat to me!  And a sandwich bar where I can pick out all the things I want is especially delightful.

Back to Jesus. Meg Hunter-Kilmer was the first speaker.  I had heard of her and I knew people enjoyed her talks but I didn’t know anything about her.  She calls herself a “hobo for Christ.” She lives out of her car and travels around speaking to Catholic groups.  She doesn’t sleep in her car. She stays in people’s homes along the way.

Not only is her testimony of how God showed her love by asking her to let everything go and depend completely on Him wonderful, but she also talks about how we could all be better evangelists.  This is a topic near and dear to my heart and she is one of the best speakers I’ve seen address the subject.

Picture a 15-year-old girl who likes a cute boy who plays the guitar and she can’t shut up about him. – Meg Hunter-Kilmer

That’s how we should evangelize.  And she’s right.  Many of us have lost the spark of new love.  We have grown deeply in our faith but kept this beautiful journey to ourselves.  We are scared or nervous to talk about Jesus and or perhaps we are willing but don’t know where to start.

She made an excellent point that we don’t need to hit people over the heads with our Jesus message, we can simply open the door a crack and walk away.  When someone asks why you recently made a big decision, you can reply that you took it to prayer and through discernment felt that God was calling you to the specific path you chose.

That’s not hard to say. You can move on with your story without waiting to see if they were converted on the spot or watching to see if they want to try and take you down in a heated debate!

Work on using Catholic language in your everyday conversations: blessed, our blessed mother, mother Mary, prayer, praying, discernment, the Lord, the saints, Jesus, called by God etc.

You can use phrases like:

“I felt God calling me to…”

“I’ve been praying to the saints that….”

“Like our blessed mother….”

“Praise God, the weather is beautiful today!”

You can do this.  You can step outside of your comfort zone in a tiny way to open the door a crack and then walk away.  Plant Jesus seeds in the world.  Even the timidest of us can sneak these little words in so someone else can come along and water them.

One thing you can do is to invite Meg to come speak at your mom’s group, your youth group, your church or your next conference.  Just reach out to her and let her know you’ve got a place for her stay.  I promise she will speak the truth of Jesus to the hearts of the audience.

Fill out a contact form here: http://www.piercedhands.com/contact-me/

Or visit her Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/mhunterkilmer/?fref=ts

Here is a link to her podcast where she also tells the stories of the saints for children! http://hoboforchrist.libsyn.com/

How can you be better about sharing your faith? If God has changed your life, how can you tell your story to others?

Pumpkin Spice and Liturgical Living

Pumpkin Spice and Liturgical Living

Here is the latest Coffee & Pearls Podcast:

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Fall is my favorite season! I love warm drinks, soup, sweaters and not having to hide my pale skin from the 85 degree sun.  There’s a comfort to fall.  I always enjoyed school so this was an exciting time for me for most of my life. I loved the crisp evening air watching high school football.  I’m a sucker for the changing color of the leaves.

Now, with all the things I have come to expect with fall, I can add pumpkin spice latte advertisements to the list. I like pumpkin spice lattes.  I don’t lose my mind over them like it appears that some people do. I don’t like pumpkin flavored everything either.  I enjoy pumpkin bread and a few PSL’s throughout the season.

While I do think the pumpkinifying of everything is a bit annoying and has certainly gotten out of hand in some cases, I like what it represents.

I believe that people are clinging to Pumpkin Season because what they are really longing for is liturgical living. As humans we long for both constancy and change. That sounds like a contradiction but God put the desire for both in our hearts.  C.S. Lewis describes this in The Screwtape Letters:

“The humans live in time, and experience reality successively. To experience much of it, therefore, they must experience many different things; in other words, they must experience change…But since He does not wish them to make change, any more than eating, an end in itself, He has balanced the love of change in them by a love of permanence. He has contrived to gratify both tastes together in the very world He has made, by that union of change and permanence which we call Rhythm.”

The Screwtape Letters, C.S. Lewis p. 257-258.

We long for both changing seasons and to know that some things never change.  This is why, when we embrace the Catholic liturgical calendar, it can be deeply satisfying.  We love the changing seasons, never lasting too long and yet we find comfort knowing that the very same seasons will come again.

Starbucks has capitalized on this. Non-Christians and Christians alike respond with joy over pumpkin spice lattes and the appearance of the famous RED CUPS in December.  It’s rhythm we crave and this Fortune 500 company is serving it up proudly…and without Jesus.

I find great hope in this. First, I see God’s thumbprint in the world even when people try so desperately to keep Him out. Second, I hope it’s a lesson we can learn as Catholic women. If we are more excited about PSL’s than we are celebrating feast days and liturgical season in our home, let us now take a step back and remedy the situation.

If you want to learn more about liturgical living, there are so many resources out there.  Don’t get overwhelmed by the many Pinterest worthy images you see.  Often my own family’s celebrations simply involve coloring a picture and making a slightly more special dinner than normal.  The other day we made an apple crisp (because I can’t seem to handle making pies but tossing apples in a pan with almond flour on top is manageable for me!)

Here are some websites I turn to for ideas about how I can celebrate the rhythms of our great Catholic faith with my kids:

I’m sure there are many more websites.  If I’ve missed some of your favorites, please comment and add them so others can see!

While it may be depressing to see the over-commercialization of our world, take heart that Jesus is always with us.  God’s fingerprints are all over us, even when we’re sure we’re leaving Him in the background. Also, when you’re friends get really excited over Starbucks coffee, gently mention liturgical living and see if you can keep each other accountable for adding in more feast days into your own family life!

In other news, my book is out! Oh my goodness! It’s been one of the most fun weeks of my life. CLICK HERE to get the Catholic Mom Challenge on Amazon

It’s only free until Friday so please tell your friends about it.  You can get the kindle version on Amazon.  The physical version will be out in a few weeks! Thanks for all your kind words and support.  It’s been overwhelming to me how many of you have already said you’re enjoying the book!

Be Anxious For Nothing

Be Anxious For Nothing

 

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Here is the latest Coffee & Pearls Podcast:

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It’s been a tumultuous week for me both in my personal life and in my business life.  There are some sticky family situations happening around me and as fencing season slows down, my husband and I are left to wonder if he should stick it out through the winter or go get another job.  It’s not surprising to me that my life would get rocky right before publishing a Catholic book and yet it’s always still a little surprising.  

When you get ready to tell the world that giving your life to Jesus means you will have peace, you better believe God is going to test you a little on that front.  Sure it’s easy to be in love when things are easy, before the trials come.  I feel like my marriage has taken a big hit during this uncertain time as well.  And though my marriage is forever, it still catches me off-guard when we look at each other and think, “Man, I really don’t like you right now.”

6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. 7 Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Philipians 4:6-7

I’ve been praying with these verses a lot lately.  It’s important to note that Jesus doesn’t say, “Try not to worry too much.”  He makes a bold and strong command, “Be anxious for nothing.”

Nothing.

I have been clinging to these words in the middle of this storm.  As I find my worries bubbling up and my chest start to tighten, I whisper to myself, “Be anxious for nothing.”

To be honest with you, it’s actually working.  Repeating these words to myself all throughout the day has actually helped me to let go of some of these worries.  None of my problems have been solved but the simplicity of these words help me understand that these Earthly issues are small compared to eternity.

Be anxious for nothing.

We are so scared of pain and heartbreak that we close our eyes, cover our ears and let the noise of the world drown out our thoughts so we don’t have to… feel anything.  We don’t want to feel pain and sadness.  

God did not promise us a world without pain and sadness, though.  He promises us peace within those storms.  I am trying to learn how to live with deep pain and still feel calm and peaceful.  I have to remind myself, at least fifty times a day, to be anxious for nothing and I feel as if my brain is slowly rewiring itself.  I’m starting to believe the words and to embrace the pain.

I am letting go and trusting the Lord that He sees goodness coming out of these trials.  We cannot know the plans God has for us or those around us, and so our best choice is to trust Him.  It’s hard when I’m sure the future will hold even more pain and I’m scared of this.  

I don’t want my heart to break or to watch the people I love hurt.  

I was looking at old videos of Rose around her first birthday.  How quickly I have forgotten what she was like just four years ago.  I instantly felt this tugging of my heart as I caught a glimpse of just how fast this life goes. Laid out before me, I could see that my life would continue screaming forward with many blessings and many more trials.

Be anxious for nothing.

God knows exactly where you are.  He has a plan for your life and for all the people around you.  We don’t get to know what those plans are but we do get to choose to have peace throughout them.  

If you are a chronic worrier, purpose to retrain your mind. You are not a slave to your thoughts.  You have the power to change them and to create new patterns of thinking.  As many of us head into the school year and the busy season of Fall, let us constantly have the phrase “be anxious for nothing” on our lips.  

Let us cultivate a spirit of peace and then pass that peace on to others.  

I am living in an incredibly stressful and emotional hurtful time and yet, I’m clinging to this idea of peace.  Without Jesus and His promise for peace, I would allow myself to drown in my sorrow and my worries.  I don’t share any of this because I want people to feel sorry for me.  Quite the contrary!  I feel as if I’m learning, for the first time, what it feels like to be truly free.  

I want you to experience this freedom too.  We are free when we finally surrender everything to God.  I remember reading once that farmers naturally have to rely on God because only God can change the weather.  I’m starting to feel more like a farmer realizing that all the changes I want to see in my life, can only come from Him.

When you finally relinquish control, you will find peace.  

Be anxious for nothing.  Say this to yourself today as the world tries to steal your peace.  You belong to Jesus and He has a plan for you.

Book Cover Design!

Book Cover Design!

No podcast this week, launching a book is taking up all my time!  But let me tell you, it just keeps getting better and better.  My editor is amazing, I took a worksheet workshop (say that a few times) and the handouts that go with my book are fantastic and now I need your help with the book cover!

I have three book cover designs I’m considering.  I’d love your feedback!  Let me know which is your favorite and if there’s anything you think I should change!  I can’t to share this project with you!

Book Cover 3Booc Cover 2 Booc Cover 1

 

Money, Heaven and Why We Get It Wrong

Money, Heaven and Why We Get It Wrong

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Here is the latest Coffee & Pearls Podcast:

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As my life has taken some pretty big turns recently, I find I’ve had to overhaul my budget a few times. As I sit down and stare at my Google Docs spreadsheet of numbers, I try to think of something else we can cut back on. Where can we spend less? How can we save more? As the fate of my husband’s job situation remains up in the air, it is my responsibility to do what I can to be a good steward of what we have.

I believe everyone should have a budget.  It’s important we know where our money is going because where we put our money, shows what we value. And it’s important that we look at our finances as a whole, because tithing 20% of your income when you can’t pay your electricity bill is not wise. Nor is it right to have new cars, iPhones, cable television, exotic cheese from New Seasons, and then say that you can’t afford to give money to the church.

Most of us live somewhere in between. We’re trying to figure out what we really need and balance that with what we want. As I’m trying to tighten up our spending, I’m keeping my iPhone, but I’m trying to eat all the food in our cupboards to minimize our grocery bill.  My kids are eating a lot less meat, and eating a lot more rice and beans. I’m giving them more bananas and apples instead of berries unless berries are on sale.   I’m also making sure everyone is drinking more water so we’re not confusing hunger for thirst and snacking all day.

We lowered the temperature in our house to decrease or air conditioning bill. I’ve been looking for things around the house that I could sell for $20 to $50 on Craigslist. And most of all I just decided that we really do have enough right now. The kids don’t need new clothes, we have plenty of books and we certainly don’t need any toys.

I won’t be buying any expensive coffees out of the house. My husband and I are going to go for walks for a date instead of eating at a restaurant. Are these huge sacrifices? Of course not. It would be naïve of me to act like this is a big deal when hundreds of thousands of people don’t have clean water.

But I grew up in an entitled generation; a generation who feels like they NEED all the things.  We buy stuff we can’t afford and then we are shocked that we’ve lost freedom.  Giving these things up does feel like a sacrifice but I also know it is my responsibility to do so.  

Many people don’t even have a budget so they don’t know how much they can afford to spend for fun. Many Americans have no idea where their money is going. This is not what God asks of us.

God asks us to be good stewards of everything he’s given us, no matter how big or small. He’s asked us to be responsible. It’s not responsible to “accidentally” spend a few hundred dollars at Target or Costco and put your family in bad place.  There have been times in my life where I could afford to spend money like that, and there are times in my life when I can’t. My job, as a good steward of what God has given me is, to know the difference.

I’m not trying to make you feel bad  but I think too few of us dwell on eternal life. We can’t take money with us when we die. And when we stand in front of Jesus to be judged,  he is either going to say, “I never knew you; depart from me,” or he will say, “Well done my good and faithful servant.”  

Why do we spend so much time thinking about how we’re going to decorate our houses and not consider whether we will be worthy of Heaven with our father?

In the Bible, there are countless quotes about how few people will actually be saved  And yet, I almost never hear people talking about this. We sit comfortably in are Catholics pews or the millions of our Protestant brothers and sisters in their own church and we all feel so safe, so sure we’ve made it.

We show what we value when we spend our money and most of us are saying that we value comfort, popularity, trendiness, and fun more than Jesus and more than charity. God does not call most us to give away all their possessions and become a missionary.  But he does ask us to pay attention to him.  He wants to be involved in every dollar that you spend. He wants to give you peace when you don’t have enough, and he wants to help you discern what to do with your money when you are blessed with more.

How involved is Jesus and every dollar you spend?

What are you valuing with your dollars?

If you are compulsively spending to make yourself feel better, what fears do you have deep down that you’re not giving over to Jesus?

When my husband and I go into what we call “rice and beans” mode which means, for some reason, we’ve had to really lock down our finances and spend very little, I am always surprised to find how very little we need.   Perhaps it helps that we both grew up in poor families and so many of the luxury that we enjoy, are ones I can easily give up.  

I don’t want you to feel guilty, I want you to feel great hope. We were not meant for this world, we were meant to spend eternity with our father in Heaven which is the most amazing place you could ever imagine. Our brains can’t even imagine it. It is so much better than anything you could buy here on Earth. Do not let the shiny things of this world distract you.

Few people will make it to heaven.  I want it to be me and you and everyone we love.  I want it to be everyone in the whole world but the only way that’s going to happen is if we’re walking with our Lord, every day. Let us turn our eyes toward Christ, surrender our whole life to him, pray to him and ask him what he wants us to be doing.  Make sure you are one of the few.

If you want to meet me in person, I’ll be at the Catholic Women Rejoice conference on August 20th.  I’ll be at the Set The World on Fire conference in Altadena, CA on September 24th.

And I’m so excited that my book Catholic Mom Challenge will be out on September 18th.  Look for more details about that in the coming weeks!

Thank you for all your support!  Coffee & Pearls has a five star rating on iTunes!  I really appreciate all you ladies who took the time to comment there, it means so much to me.  

Episode 31: Time To Get Uncomfortable

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 Here is the latest Coffee & Pearls Podcast:

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In these last few months, when I’ve had to work harder than perhaps I’ve ever had to work in my entire life, I have come to a new understanding of what it means to seek comfort. Before this, I sitting down in a chair and drinking coffee and reading a book was my natural state. If I didn’t need to be doing anything else, this is what I wanted to be doing.  I enjoy sitting and doing nothing.

Maybe I’m part of the entitled generation, which also usually means the lazy generation. I have never been particularly into sports or exercise. I do like getting things done but I tend to have a burst of energy to be productive in an attempt to finish and get back to sitting in my chair, drinking my coffee, and reading a book. I used to view work as a means of getting to my next moment of comfort.

I would view work as a necessary activity whether I said it out loud or only in my heart, I would do it a bit begrudgingly.  It’s true, I consider myself a lazy person. I really just don’t like doing anything at all except sitting in a chair and reading or chatting with some friends or watching my children play. I could do that all day long, much to the dismay of my incredibly active, A-type personality husband.

Two things have happened in the last few months that have really shifted my attitude toward comfort. First, I started working so hard that I started to view my house chores as restful.  And second, I read some intense books about the saints that made me realize how much of a baby I was being.

When you begin to do physical labor or when you begin to work 10 to 12 hours a day, you start to view activities that you previously thought were boring as restful.

My job sometimes has me drive 4 hours away from my home to do a fence bid and then turn around and drive back. On those days, I consider it a break to get to do the dishes or mop the floors. There is a peace in those activities.  They are the very same activities that 6 months ago I would grumble about doing.


I would also insist on making sure my husband knew that I did them so he could see what a great homemaker I was, or at least how much I was sacrificing to stay at home. Now we are both working so hard that neither of us takes the time to point out all the great things we did that day.  We’re both just trying to survive.  We pat each other on the back and we try to support each other as teammates trying to finish a marathon that we see no end to.

Whether you’re a working mom out of choice or because you have to be… and whether you’re a stay-at-home mom who is deep in the trenches of toddlerland or driving all over living in teenville, our jobs can be tough.  It’s easy to allow the drudgery of our jobs to steal our joy.  Instead of seeing blessings, we’re just trying to push through to the next moment of comfort that we can find.

Maybe we’re thinking of a new house or a vacation or a bubble bath at the end of the day.  There are many ways we allow our restlessness and our aim for comfort to take up hours of our daydreaming time.  And while rest and planning is by no means a bad thing, perhaps you are focusing too much on comfort and not seeing the rest in the work you’re already doing.  I know that’s what was happening to me.

I think it’s important that we try to get perspective so we can appreciate more of what we have. This is difficult to do by yourself. That’s why I recommend reading books about the Saints or about struggles in third world countries so that you beginning to understand that here in America, one of our greatest weaknesses is that we are continually seeking out comfort. We want to be comfortable and that is our aim.

When you read books about the 1800’s or the Great Depression or either of the World Wars, it can quickly show you how truly blessed and comfortable our lives already are.  Instead of grumbling about having to go outside and pull my own weeds (oh how quickly I forget that I grew up in an apartment where I owned no land, including the weed), I should find joy in taking care of the things God gave me.

I’m a melancholic person by nature so keeping a cheery attitude takes a lot of effort and that’s why I need guideposts along the way.  Praying the rosary is one of my guideposts.  It’s hard not to feel grateful after meditating on the sorrowful mysteries.  I also go out of my way to read books that make me feel uncomfortable.  When you read through the horror that John Paul II lived through before he was even 30, you’ll think twice about letting bitterness take root in your heart over the laundry.

I know you can’t all go out and start working 12 hours a day doing physical labor to help improve your perspective of your life or reframe your view of comfort.  Instead, I would recommend reading one of the five books below.  Get out of your own head and into someone else’s shoes.  I think it will help you appreciate both the ups and the downs that you’re currently facing.

Dark Night of the Soul

Interior Castle

Saint John Paul the Great: His Five Loves

Left to Tell: Discovering God Amidst the Rwandan Holocaust

Padre Pio: The True Story

I hope one of these reaches out and grabs you.  I hope you can come to appreciate the beauty of your own life.  I hope God can shape your soul through the circumstances of your time here on Earth so that you choose to spend eternity in Heaven with him.  We’re striving for sainthood and the longer I live, the more I think we’re not doing enough.  That is not a reason to despair but rather to be joyous that there is so much room to grow!

Come see me at the Catholic Women Rejoice conference on August 20th or the Set The World On Fire conference on September 24th!

Episode 30: Back From The Dread

Episode 30: Back From The Dread

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I’m back!  Sorry for falling off the face of the internet there.  I’ll explain in a little bit.  Today I’m going to be talking about how to get up and dust yourself off when you’ve crashed and burned and how to get back to a simpler life when you’ve let the outside world command too much of your time.  Then I’ll be announcing the upcoming dates of my new book launch and my 8 week online program Catholic Mom Challenge!

My business got a little crazy there folks.  We ran out of posts, which is 50% of our business.  Our supplier just didn’t ship them for four weeks.  It was one of the most stressful things I’ve ever gone through.  I was working all day, every day.  My phone was ringing 30 times per day so I was constantly being interrupted.  I stopped blogging and podcasting.  I gained 15 pounds in three months when I had expressly decided that I was going to lose 15 pounds in those same three months.  

I was falling deeper and deeper into anxiety/depression land.  I felt like I was letting everyone around me down, especially myself.  I felt like I had compromised all the things that were important to my like my health, my homeschooling, my parenting and even in some ways my marriage as my whole life got swallowed up by this business that I didn’t even really want.

It’s a very long story and one that I detail more in my book.  Don’t worry, the ending is happy and bright and as always, God is good.  Most importantly, I came out of it having learned some great lessons about how to REALLY trust in God when you’re in the middle of a storm and how, in the end, we really don’t have control over our own lives.  

I feel like it was a reforming that God needed to do with my heart and my faith and I came out the other end stronger and yet softer at the same time.  I wanted to share a few of the lessons I learned but I’ll be sharing many

Five Ways To Get Back Up And Simplify Your Life

  1. Go To Confession  
    I know, I know, I talk about confession all the time but there’s a good reason for that.  If you’re steeped in darkness and you’re feeling awful about yourself, this is the best way to become white again.  Go to confession and confess all your failures.  Talk about all the balls you dropped, all the people you let down (including yourself) and all the yucky feelings you have.

    Does being over committed and letting people down count as a sin?  Honestly, I don’t know.  I doubt that it does but hating yourself and wallowing in anxiety and sadness is not living a life with Christ.  It shows a lack of trust in Him and probably a poor prayer life.  Regardless, I think saying all your yuckiness out loud and asking a priest to forgive you, might just be what you need to forgive yourself.

    Come out of that box feeling clean, washed and covered in white light.  Let it be a new beginning.  Go and sin no more.  You’ve drawn a line in the sand and walked over it.  It’s time to move on and make better choices.

  2. Get Out Your Red Pen
    If you don’t have some red pens in your house, go get them.  I adore red pens.  They make me feel powerful.  They have finality to them that gives me courage.  I happen to really enjoy these ones. Make a quick list of all your responsibilities and then try to get rid of ⅓ of your list.  Be honest with yourself, do your kids really need to go to camp?  Do you really need to make dinner from scratch every night or could you batch cook some things?  

    Are you really growing and moving more toward sainthood with the activities you’ve signed up for? What things are you doing because your pride is on the line?  

    Let’s be honest, we get confused sometimes.  We think we know what we’re doing and that we’re in control and then all of a sudden we’re running around like crazy ladies and we’ve let the things that really matter, the important things that quietly sit in the background, to get pummeled by the loud, urgent things of the world. We thought we were being nice and making good choices but in the end, we were sacrificing things that mattered.

    Get out that red pen and cross some things off.  Make some phone calls and give out some apologies.  It’s time for you to focus on your relationship with God and your family.  Everything else can wait.  I mean it.  Living a high stress, high anxiety life is not sustainable and it’s not what God wants for you.
  3. Don’t Be A Cow
    Did you know the word ruminate comes from cows?  Yeah, when cows eat their food, they chomp down on some tasty, tasty grass, swallow it and then later, they throw it up, chew on it some more and swallow it again.  They have four stomachs so they can keep throwing up and chewing on grass.  Gross.  This process is called ruminating and it’s what you’re doing by chewing on your negative thoughts and churning over all the possible scenarios of your future in your mind.

    Another way to say ruminate is to “chew the cud.”  I caught myself doing this all the time in these last few months.  The more my life was up in the air, the more mental calories I was spending thinking and worrying about all the possible outcomes of my future.  I was stressing over things that literally hadn’t even happened yet.  And doing this, drains us of our willpower, depletes our energy and draws us away from God.

    I finally said, enough is enough! Instead of worrying and being convinced I could come up with just the magic combination of puzzle pieces to bring peace to my life, I just gave up and gave it all to Jesus.  

    Lay your worries at the foot of the cross.  Tell him you’re worried but you trust him and you want nothing more than his will to be done.  Then let it go.
  4. Don’t Lie To Yourself – Are You Really Praying Enough?
    When I need Jesus the most tends to also be the time I’m with him the least.  It’s like I’m so busy and crazy and worried that I forget to talk to him.  Instead of spending real, uninterrupted time with him, I send up urgent PLEASE HELP ME LORDs and then I go about the hustle and bustle of my life.  Inevitably I find myself without peace and wondering why my life is out of control.  

    The answer is always, and I mean always, that I’m not praying enough.  I’m not carving out protected time for Jesus.  I’m not making him a priority.  I’m not giving him focused prayers that are filled with love.  It’s okay to make exacerbated please to our Lord but if we don’t take the time to praise him too, we start to feel the imbalance of our relationship.  Whether we realize it on a conscious level or not, we know we’re acting selfish and treating God like a vending machine.  

    True love is about sacrifice.  True love is about service.  We must love him with our hearts and our time instead of giving him the paltry leftovers.  We must praise him in the morning that we are alive.  We must praise him in the afternoon no matter what naptime craziness has happened.  And we must praise him the evening for taking us through the day.

    Just like in marriage, I find that when I feel the most unloved and unsatisfied, it’s usually because I’m being too self-centered and I’m not loving the lord or my husband with my time and my actions.
  5. Finds Real Ways To Recharge (Not the fake ones)
    I’m the queen at picking bad things to do in my downtime.  I know that social media, checking my phone, watching netflix and playing fast games jacks me up.  All those things feel good because release dopamines in your system.  It’s like getting a little fix every time you do it.  Your body craves these little pings and so you think about them, you’re excited about them, you know they’re going to feel good.

    But guess what, it doesn’t help you relax.  None of those activities helps your brain recover.  None of those activities helps you recharge.  That’s why you can spend naptime Facebooking and watching Netflix and then when you’re done, you don’t feel rested at all.  Your eyes will feel a little sore, you’re more grumpy and you don’t feel ready to tackle the afternoon witching hour with your children.

    Real ways to relax include reading, spending time outside, light exercise, stretching, praying, breathing deeply and doing something that relaxes you.  Some people find knitting or gardening relaxing.  Some people enjoy coloring or cooking.  I happen to actually find laundry quiet and soothing.  You know what helps put you in that quiet place where it’s like ocean waves are lapping in the background.  Do those things and not the fake things I listed above.  It will make a huge difference in your ability to recharge and have energy later in the day.

I hope some or all of those points are helpful to you.  If you have any questions or if you want to share your own personal story with me, shoot me and email and I’m happy to just listen, to pray for you or to give you advice if you have a specific question and if I feel I have a good answer.  

In other news, I’m so excited to finally announce the launch date for my new book!  Catholic Mom Challenge will be out September 18th.  That will also be the week my 8 week Catholic Mom Challenge online program starts.  More details to come about both.  In the meantime, please pray for me as I gear up for this big new chapter in my life.  

Stay tuned to help vote on the book cover design, to sign up for some fun giveaways I’m hosting and to attend a live webinar I’m giving to explain about the book and the online challenge program!

Lastly, I’m excited to announce that I’m going to be driving to Portland for the Catholic Women Rejoice conference.  I would love to meet you if you’re going so shoot me an email or ping me on Facebook and let’s plan to meet up!

Episode 29: Kettlebell Swings and Proverbs Pings

Episode 29: Kettlebell Swings and Proverbs Pings

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Here is the latest Coffee & Pearls Podcast:

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I like 30-day challenges.  I like trying habits and routines on for size.  Sometimes life changes can feel overwhelming but when I think about doing something for just a month, it’s short enough I’m willing to give it a try.  The month of May is almost over and while June is peppered with graduations, Father’s Day, kids getting out of school and the start of summertime traveling and activities, I think it’s a great month to test out a new habit.

Since adopting a new habit takes a lot of energy, I’m only going to pick one brand new on that I haven’t tried.  I’m going to create a mini-fitness routine to do in the mornings.  It’s going to be easy, short and I’m going to do it every single day.

Mini Fitness Routine:

  • 60 seconds of planking
  • 30 squats
  • 30 kettlebell swings
  • 30 pushups
  • 60 seconds of planking

It’s all very straight forward.  It won’t take a lot of time.  It’s not even a full workout routine.  But lately, I’ve been doing nothing.  Absolutely nothing.  And I want to find some exercises that I can do every single day of the year.  I think this mini routine will be just right.

I’m going to do it in the morning before I go downstairs.  If my kids are up, I’ll do it in front of them.  I’m going to do it every single day for the month of June in hopes of turning it into one of my daily habits that I do for the whole year.

I’m also going to fill out a calendar on my wall and put huge X’s on each day after I’m done and each week I’ll take a picture and post it on Instagram.  Nothing like a little social pressure to keep you motivated, right?

Proverbs Pings

I’m going to add back in another habit that I’ve been floating in and out of doing and that is reading Proverbs every single day.  I read them often but usually when I’m having a bad day.  Instead, I want to be proactive.  I want to read Proverbs in the morning before the tone of my day has been set.  I want to soak up God’s wisdom in the morning and let His words guide me.

It’s all right there for you.  PING! Jesus wants to speak to you today and give you some great wisdom.  Let Him in.  Let Him guide you today.  If you would like to follow along with me and receive the Proverbs for the day in your email box with a short reflection from me, fill out the form at the end of this post!

If creating a mini fitness routine or reading the Proverbs every day isn’t what you need right now, I would encourage you to pick something else.  Find something that Jesus has put on your heart.  Pray about it and let Him guide you to one area of your life that you could work on this month.

Here are some idea for other 30 day challenges you can take:

  • Read to your kids for 30 minutes every day
  • Find one thing in your house to get rid of every day
  • Write a letter every day to someone in your life
  • Spend 20 minutes outside every day
  • Create a 30-day meal plan and stick to it!
  • Spend 15 minutes of kissing/snuggling time with your husband every day
  • Read the gospel for 15 minutes every day

I hope you do this with me.  I hope you pick something you want to try out for 30 days and you share your journey with me either in the comments below or by emailing me.

Changing and adding in small habits can make a huge impact on your life.  Pick something simple that you’ve never done or something you’ve done before that you know has a positive effect on your life.

I want to always be learning and always be growing.  I want to challenge myself not to accept the status quo and just because I’ve failed before, doesn’t mean I’m going to this time.

Ladies, have you told your husband about The Catholic Commute podcast yet?  You absolutely should!  They are all steeped in Catholic theology and each episode challenges men to step up in their faith and step up in taking care of their family. Each week features two related episodes. Here are the titles of the latest episodes:

  • 7 Steps to Improving Your Family Prayer Life
  • 6 Steps to Improving Your Prayer Life
  • Tips to Making Your Camping Trip Amazing
  • 7 Steps to Prepare for Camping Success
  • Outside Travel Basics
  • Go Outside
  • 6 Steps to Properly Use Alcohol
  • 5 Truths About Sex to Unlock Its Potential

ANNOUNCEMENT:  I’m going to be taking July and August off of Coffee & Pearls and then I will resume with Season Two starting in September!  In the meantime, I’ll be posting some book reviews, interviews, and worksheets that you all can do with me over the summer! I’ll be doing more Periscope videos so you can catch me there and now all of those episodes are being saved so you don’t have to worry about catching me live or within 24 hours!

Lastly, if you enjoy listening to the Coffee & Pearls podcast, I would greatly appreciate it if you’d take the time to write a review on iTunes.  You have to receive a certain number of reviews before they rate your podcast.  I’d love to be a five star rated Catholic podcast and so I’ll need your help to do that!  Thank you so much for your kind words, your emails, your comments and your shares.  It means the world to me and I love sharing this journey with you!

Episode 28: Communication Breakdown

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This last weekend my husband and I went on a marriage retreated called Epic Love.  It started out Friday evening with dinner and a talk by Fr. Justin Brady who reminds me a lot of Fr. John Riccardo (you should listen to his awesome podcasts!)  Saturday featured three more talks with time after each one to connect with your spouse.  There were many wonderful moments, lots of laughs and plenty of serious talks with my husband.

It’d be hard to capture all that I heard and learned in one blog post so I decided to pull out the biggest takeaway for us as a couple.

The big marriage game changer for me was the idea that some people talk to think and some people think to talk.  I have read many marriage books and taken many personality tests and I had never heard of this concept before.  Without a doubt, and probably not surprising to most of you, I am a talk to thinker.  That means I need to talk things out to discover what I really think about a topic.

My husband is a think to talker so he needs time to process information in his head, sort it all out and then is able to talk about it.  You can imagine how frustrating these two types are when trying to have a serious conversation about something.

We have been married for nearly 6 years and this idea instantly clarified why we have trouble talking things out sometimes.  I often ramble on jumping from idea to idea causing my husband to become frustrated.  He sometimes stops me midsentence asking, “Do you really mean what you just said?”

And often times I found myself saying, “Well not really, that’s not what I meant.”  This would make me feel stupid.  We should mean what we say right?  How could I say something I didn’t really mean?  But now I realize that I have to speak some ideas out loud to figure out what I really want to say or what my main point is.

Now this isn’t an excuse to verbally vomit on your husband all the time because “it’s your process.”  In understanding these two personality types, we are both responsible for reigning in our natural tendency so we can meet our partner in the middle.  I need to do a better job of getting to my point sooner without rambling for 15 minutes first.  I also need to give my husband some space before asking him to respond.

It helped a lot that the priest who talked about this concept was himself a talk to thinker.  I’m not sure my husband would have believed this was a real thing if it had not come from a guy.  I’m pretty sure he thinks all ladies talk all the time.  But in hearing Fr. Justin explain how he needs to talk things out to eventually come to what he would call “the nugget,” my husband began to realize that perhaps I wasn’t trying to drive him crazy with my words but that this was my process as well.

It also won my husband over when Fr. Justin explained that us talk to thinkers need to pause FOR 13 SECONDS allowing our partner to formulate a response.  Now maybe he arbitrarily picked 13 seconds as a number that would stick in our minds but I took it seriously enough to try it out.  After the talk, when Michael and I began chatting, I would say my piece and then wait for 13 long seconds for him to respond.  Ladies, this feels like an eternity.

And as I would watch Michael’s face, it didn’t look pained.  He didn’t look uncomfortable with the silence.  Meanwhile, I was holding my breath!  My chest felt tight.  I was aware of every second and I wanted so badly to jump in and say three more things I had thought of while we were sitting there.

Because in my mind… if I just told him these three things, I’m sure he’d have a MUCH better idea of how I felt and he could respond better with this new information!

I have come to understand just how often I talk over him.  I used to take his silence after my comments as rude, insulting or maybe he just wasn’t listening to me at all.  Now I realize he was feeling hurt that I never gave him long enough to respond as if I didn’t care what he had to say.

This one concept was by far the biggest takeaway from the weekend and one that will have a large impact on our marriage.  I am working on minimizing my words.  I also agreed to tell Michael when I know there’s something I want to say but I don’t know what it is and I need some time to just talk things out.  He was happy with this concept because it meant he didn’t have to process all the words that were coming at him.  He could wait until I found my “nugget” and then he could take some time to thoughtfully respond to that one thing.

I have to do my part where I also give him many many seconds when Michael can think about what he wants to say.  I have to give him this space without jumping back in to add any more “and then” points! He has to work on not being frustrated that I need to ramble on sometimes and also that he doesn’t need to process and formulate a perfect response before answering me.  He needs to work on shortening that thinking time.

It’s only been two days but so far our conversations have been flowing so much more smoothly!

So I don’t know how many of you have heard this concept or if it would greatly help you communicate with your spouse, your friends or your co-workers but it was definitely new to me!  I couldn’t wait to get home and share it with you.  There were many other gems we heard about this weekend and I will definitely share them here soon!

Episode 27: Holy Work and Invisible Art

Episode 27: Holy Work and Invisible Art

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Here is the latest Coffee & Pearls Podcast:

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Most of you know I’m a big fan of www.brianjohnson.me.  I listen to his stuff all the time and he is the number one person I turn to when I ask myself, “What should I be reading next?”  So I was very excited when his wife was featured as a guest on his site talking about Mammahood 101.  I was really interested to see what the other half of Brian was going to be like and what drives her as a mother.

What little I had seen of her before had a lot of words like goddess, meditations, and affirmations so I was worried that her talk was going to be dripping with Eastern religion practices and things that weren’t going to jive with me as a Catholic mama.

I have to say, I was pleasantly surprised!  She rocked this talk and so much of what she said really resonated with who I am and what I want to work on.  It was an hour long talk but I wanted to pull out one of her major points because I think it’s spot on for Catholic moms.

Motherhood is Holy work.  You are creating invisible art with everything you do.

This was such a fabulous idea.  And I think I’ve heard this said in many ways but for some reason, the phrase “holy work” really stuck out to me.  Yes, I am doing Holy work.  Right now, as I pick up the laundry, as I sweep the floors, as I brush Rose’s hair… I am doing Holy work.  I’ve talked about how we should all be striving for sainthood and that motherhood is for many of us, our pathway to pursuing this purpose but to have a phrase that we can use throughout the day, I think will help bring that home for many of us.

When you’re feeling frustrated, I want you to slow down and whisper to yourself, “I am doing Holy work.”  When something goes wrong or the kids are fighting or you’re feeling tired… tell yourself, “I am doing Holy work.”

You are doing the most important work that there is.  Without mothers, we’d obviously have nothing and we live in a world that wants to squash our importance and drown it out with noise.  Don’t let this happen in your heart.  Protect yourself.  Tell yourself again, “I am doing Holy work.”

I love the idea that we are also creating invisible art.  Perhaps it’s not entirely invisible because your mama friends know what you’re going through and all that you do.  But all those little things you do… all the skinned knees you kiss, all the times you make sure everyone gets the same number of jellybeans, the nights you pick up after everyone else has gone to bed… you are creating the most beautiful stained glass window or hand-sewn tapestry you could even imagine.

Just sit with that for a moment.

I love how Catholic that idea is.  One of my favorites parts of converting to Catholicism is the beautiful artwork.  Churches are so lovely.  The paintings are beautiful.  The statues and icons and gardens are a physical representation of Heaven to me.

And you mama, you’re creating a masterpiece.  You are creating a beautiful work of art.  And even if it’s invisible to the world, it’s not invisible to God.  He sees you.  He sees your work.  He sees how frustrated you get and how much you want to quit sometimes or toss your painting across the room… but you don’t.  You pick up your paintbrush and you keep doing your Holy work.

I have really been working on changing my attitude with my kids.  I’d say this has been a focus for me for the past six months.  I’ve been trying to minimize the times I rush them and make them feel like they’re doing something wrong when they’re not.  Obviously, hitting your sister and stealing her plastic horse is wrong.  I roll in on that.  But being a kid and finding joy and wonder in the world, is not wrong.

I don’t want to squash their spirit here.  Now sometimes I explain that you can find joy and wonder in the world without turning on the hose, that is a family rule, but I don’t get upset at them in these moments.

I also don’t rush them when we have to go somewhere.  I leave extra time for putting on shoes and looking at the flowers on the way out to the car.  It’s not like rushing kids actually helps get you places faster.  It just turns you into a momster with steam coming out of your ears and everyone a little more ruffled than before.

So I challenge you mamas to work on this.  Work on both understanding you are doing Holy work, you are creating invisible art and also that you can change your attitude about the exact same situations you’ve been struggling through and find peace in them.  Your children are a gift, their wonder is a gift and you’ve been given the great job of nurturing their curious minds.

Episode 26: Murphy Repellant

Episode 26: Murphy Repellant

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Here is the latest Coffee & Pearls Podcast:

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One of my favorite phrases from the Financial Peace University program by Dave Ramsey is Murphy Repellant.  He suggests that if you have enough money saved, those crazy, unexpected expenses don’t actually tend to come up that often and at least when they do, you’re prepared.

My husband and I often make the joke that we need more Murphy Repellent, especially for situations like camping trips and road trips.  We pack for every situation we can think of that we can reasonably fit in the car.

I do this at home too.  I go around at the end of the week and at the end of the month and I prepare my home for all the craziness that’s going to happen.  We have four different places for wipes in our house, I make sure they are all filled.  We use both cloth diapers and reusable diapers so I make sure they are stocked in the places I need them.  I do a toilet paper check.  I make sure I have plenty of coffee.

I have a phone charger on both my floors in and in both our cars.  A fast track to a stressful day for me is leaving the house with a dead phone.

When I was younger, bad things happened to me all the time.  I’d forget to pay bills because I’d put papers in a pile and leave them there.  I didn’t own stamps.  I’d lock my keys in the car all the time without a spare key.  I’d run out of healthy food and then turn to eating bad food.  I had no discipline in my life and so my life was… hard.

Now you can’t discipline or habit your way out of all problems.  But a lot of them become much more manageable if you get ahead of them.

At the end of the month:

  • I put six rolls of toilet paper in each of our three bathrooms and I order more from Amazon if we’re getting low.
  • I make sure we have plenty of coffee and I buy more grounds if we’re getting low.
  • I make sure I have my car staples (see list below)
  • I have a stack of envelopes with return address labels and stamps next to my checkbook so I don’t have to go hunting those things down every time I need to mail something
  • Do we have enough shampoo, conditioner, deodorant and toothpaste?
  • I think all but one of my bills is set to autopay
  • We buy meat from Zaycon Fresh in bulk to save money but you have to order far in advance so I have to understand how often we need beef and chicken

At the end of the week:

  • I do a diaper/wipes check in the four locations we use them in our house to make sure they’re all stocked.
  • I do laundry on Mondays and Thursdays. Nothing jams up my day like not having clean jeans or underwear!
  • We create a meal plan and pull out meat from our freezer on Saturday for the week.
  • We always keep fruit, carrots and nuts stocked up as snacks for the kids.
  • My children used to have access to their church clothes or their church shoes during the week, but then they’d get lost and cause some craziness on Sunday morning. Now they have one church outfit with tights and shoes in ONE place.  They wear it to church, then they take it off as soon as they get home.

Things in my car:

  • Sunglasses (I have a pair that never leaves the car so if it’s really sunny out, I can safely see)
  • Sunscreen
  • A few hair ties and some mascara – you can really clean up with just those two things!
  • Diapers and wipes
  • Blanket that has a tarp on one side
  • Ibuprofen
  • A plastic bag, a ziplock bag and a towel to contain anything gross
  • Extra change of clothes for all the kids. It used to just be my two younger girls in case there were potty accidents but just the other day, we were hiking and Rose ruined her clothes and I didn’t have a change of clothes for her in the car. So now I’ve added her to the list too!
  • Water and trail mix that has NO chocolate… we don’t need melting chocolate in the car
  • $20 stashed somewhere. When I use it, I replace it the next day.  This isn’t fun money but more like, “I’m in a jam and I really needed some cash money.”
  • I know how to change a tire and where all the tools are in my car. Do you or do you at least have AAA?
  • Phone charger

Most importantly, I know this is an evolving process.  I will always be refining my Murphy Repellent to make sure I’m prepared for what life throws at me.

Here’s what you can do to be more prepared.  Think of the times you’ve been really stressed lately either in your home or out of your home.  Could you have been more prepared to lessen your stress? Would an extra change of clothes have mattered?  What about having a towel? Now there isn’t much to do to prevent getting a flat tire but do you know how to change a tire or do you have AAA?

I actually schedule this into my calendar.  Guess what? It usually only takes 15 minutes.  But the thinking, the planning, the actual putting of the toilet paper out…. Saves me huge hassles later.  It helps me to have more peace during the week.  My house runs more smoothly.

Crazy things still come up.  Sometimes I can create Murphy Repellant so they don’t happen again.  Sometimes I know they will never come up again and that’s just life.  I want to cultivate habits that help me.

I love this quote from Gary Heller in The One Thing and it could easily be applied to BIG disciplines like daily exercise but for me, it also applies to the little rhythms of my life that I’ve put in place to help me be successful.

“Discipline and habit. Honestly, most people never really want to talk about these. And who can blame them? I don’t either. The images these words conjure in our heads are of something hard and unpleasant. Just reading the words is exhausting. But there’s good news. The right discipline goes a long way, and habits are hard only in the beginning. Over time, the habit you’re after becomes easier and easier to sustain. It’s true. Habits require much less energy and effort to maintain than to begin. Put up with the discipline long enough to turn it into a habit, and the journey feels different. Lock in one habit so it becomes part of your life, and you can effectively ride the routine with less wear and tear on yourself. The hard stuff becomes habit, and habit makes the hard stuff easy.”

We will never have control over our lives.  Only God has that control.  But we can be an active participant, we can create Murphy Repellant, we can choose to be prepared for the situations we know are likely to come up.

What ways do you keep prepared in your home, office or car that help you manage sticky situations?

Episode 25: Wisdom from Children’s Bible Songs

Episode 25: Wisdom from Children’s Bible Songs

s01E25

Here is the latest Coffee & Pearls Podcast:

Scroll down to read it as a blog post!

I do not like little kid songs.  I have a deep respect for preschool teachers who manage to sing those high pitched jingles with joy to their kids.  I can’t stand the sound of veggie tales either. My children really enjoy the veggie tales songs but it’s something they get to do with their dad when I’m not in the car.  I don’t feel bad about this, it’s just not one of my gifts.

The one exception I make is for our Sunday School Songs.  For some reason it must tug on my Protestant heartstrings and remind me of the few Sunday school classes I went to as a child.  I really enjoy this CD and when I end up putting it on in the car, I find that I desperately needed a lesson from one of these delightful songs.

It might seem silly to think that there are great lessons to be found on a children’s CD but it’s a goldmine for simple truths.  I often need to hear those simple truths when I’m driving in the car, thinking about the day ahead of me.

The bible is really good at giving us one liners for inspiration.  This was no accident.  I think Jesus knew that we were going to be busy and because of our broken nature, we’d easily forget the simple messages that Jesus brought us.  So he built in a good memory system, a lot of quick phrases that we can repeat to ourselves to get us back on track.

Though the phrases I’m going to share aren’t direct quotes from scripture, they are all truths that can be found in the bible.  Here are the ones that seem to reach out and grab me while I’m driving.  They help me to calm down and to realize where my focus should be – on Jesus and not on the busyness of my day or the worries in my heart.

  1. I’ve got the peace that passes understanding down in my heart.
    This is just such a great phrase! Every time I hear it, it gives me pause.  This is the heart of Christianity.  Because we are so loved by God, we have a great peace and this peace is beyond understanding.  The world can be crashing down around us and yet, we can still have peace.  Now, we may not be very good at practicing this yet, but it is just that, a practice… something we need to cultivate.  When I hear this song, it helps center me and it reminds me that no matter what crazy is happening, I should have peace inside my heart.
  2. I have decided to follow Jesus. Though none come with me, still I will follow.  The world behind me, the cross before me.
    This is such a beautiful song and one that our priest sings often in Mass.  The actual song repeats each of these phrases many times but I thought I’d just include them once here.  I think all three parts are really important here.  First, the active choice to follow Jesus.Next, the test.  Though none come with me, still I will follow.  And for many of us, we are part of Catholic or Christian communities so we’re not completely alone but I think this refers more to all the small moments we break free from the current culture to choose Jesus and His way.  Those moments can feel really lonely and in them, we are often surrounded by the world and not the comfort of our small friends circle.Last, the vision.  This is our goal in life.  The world behind us, the cross before us.  Let us not be distracted by the noise in our life but be lured by the glow of Jesus and His love for us.  Focus on who is before you and keep walking towards Him.
  3. I’m in the lord’s army, yes sir!
    If you do not realize that we are all in a war, fighting in the lord’s army. Even though we may not have physical weapons, this war is being waged everyday right around us.  We are fighting for souls.  We are fighting for Heaven.  We are fighting to keep God’s love in the world.  I think we lose a sense of preparedness or the nerve to fight sometimes by not realizing that we’re actively in a war.  It’s easy to hide in the quiet comfort of our homes and to be in denial of all the ways the devil is attacking us.I think of the music and television and advertisements that try to break into my home.  I think of the neighborhood conversations and conversations my children hear.  It is my job to protect them from things they cannot understand and to explain the things they can.  This is an active battle I have to fight everyday and when I let this idea slip into the back of my mind, I start to lose.
  4. When we walk with the lord, in the light of his word, what a glory He sheds on our way
    If you are not reading your bible every day, go to Adoration and pray that Jesus give you the wisdom for how to do this and the strength to carry it out.  Since I have become Catholic, I see the wonderful way many Catholics protect the sacredness of Mass and make sure that they go every single week, no matter what.  This dedication is admirable!Next, I would like to see Catholics feel as fiercely about reading their bible every day.  I think reading the daily readings from a Blessed Is She email counts.  I think reading your Magnificat counts.  I personally still like to touch and open up my actual bible.  But no matter what you choose, God gave us this amazing guidebook as a resource.  Stop making excuses.  If you’re stressed and drowning and confused about life but not reading your bible… you’re missing the low hanging fruit!What a glory he sheds on our way.  Doesn’t that sound lovely? Make time.  Read your bible.
  5. Oh be careful little eyes what you see.
    This last one is one I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. I have a friend who has six children and they have a saying in their family, “Guard your heart.”  When either of the parents say this phrase, their children and to bow their heads and close their eyes.  It means that something unsavory is in front of them that the kids should not see and do not need to see.  Maybe it’s a lewd billboard or an inappropriately dressed person or something violet.  The kids know not to question this and to protect their hearts by closing their eyes.I really like this idea and I think it’s great training for kids to later filter out what they see.  As I get older, I watch less and less television and fewer movies pass my husband’s test for something we think is worthy of being watched.  We must be careful what our eyes see so we do not because lured by the world and distracted by the sinful shiny things.

Now, if you’re a mom like me who doesn’t like kid songs, don’t worry about it.  You don’t need to listen to this CD to be reminded of the simple truths Jesus wants us to know and to follow.  Find a few bible verses that speak to you and put them up over your house.  Put a few sticky notes in your car, in your kitchen, in the bathroom.

We are all weak and so we need constant reminders to hold on to what’s important to us.  There is no doubt that Jesus is my number one and I want to be a saint in Heaven but it’s easy for me to be distracted literally every five minutes and to lose sight of that goal.  It’s okay to use childish games to keep our head in the game, in fact, I’d say it’s wise to do so.

I’m praying for all you mamas out there that Jesus piece your heart with truth and longing and that you use His strength to go into battle every day this week!