Here is the latest Coffee & Pearls:
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“Find a hero, marry him, and cheer him on every day.”
I’m kicking myself for not writing down where I read this. If anyone knows where this quote comes from, please let me know and I’ll add the credit to it. I do remember, however, how powerful it was when I read it.
It felt like angels singing but then also a punch in the stomach. I love the idea that we marry a hero. It brought back feelings of being so relieved when I finally met my husband. Here was a man who loved Jesus and wanted to raise a God-fearing, outdoor-loving, bunch of a homeschooled kids like I did. He was my hero.
He still is but I realized that I hadn’t been treating him like that. Certainly not to the extent of “cheer him on every day.” I immediately set out thinking about how I could be better in this area. Here are five ways I’ve been trying to cheer on my hero of a husband.
1. 5 o 1 ratio. To be honest, I cringe a little when I hear the 5 to 1 ratio thing. You’re probably familiar with it. Say five nice/positive things for each critical/negative thing. This applies to our children as well. I’m not great about it with the children and downright awful at it for my husband. Especially these days when we’re passing ships in the night. We tend to be all business, business, business, a few critical things, then a kiss/prayer/goodnight routine that doesn’t always feel connective.
Still this is what we are called to do, to love our spouse and to lift them up. I need to be better about my ratio and deep down, that’s why I don’t like reading about to 5 to 1 ratio. It’s simple to understand but it’s hard to do. Just put a post-it note on your fridge that says 5 to 1 and get working on it!
2. What’s one small thing? Now this is an idea I do like to think about and every time I pick this habit back up, I’m glad that I did. Keep some post-it notes by your bed or in your bathroom. After you wake up in the morning, ask yourself, “What’s one small thing I can do to make my spouse’s life better today?” You could even ask him yourself to find out what he’d like. This is an easy and powerful way to simply shift your thinking. When we are spouse oriented out of love, it helps us to be less critical.
3. Beam him love. It’s easy to feel the heaviness of the day, the monotony of our busy lives, and the small annoying ways our spouses get in between us and our ideal plans. But the moment we slow down and think about the love that God has for our spouse, and then beam that love from our bodies to our husbands, it completely changes how we see them. This is another concept from Tools by Phil Stutz.
It’s the idea that we imagine a warm ray of sunshine coming out of us and beaming that warm love to someone else. It’s very hard to stay mad at someone when we are loving them in this way. And of course, this is how God views each person all the time so when we tap into God’s love for each soul, it helps us to be better people.
4. Pray for him and then tell him you’ve been praying for him. Constantly be praying for your husband. Pray for him when you wake up, all throughout the day, and before you go to sleep. And then I’ve found that it’s really powerful to tell your husband you’ve been praying for him. I don’t tell him everything but often I’ll say something like, “I’m praying that your day goes smoothly,” or “I’m praying that God gives you the right words in that yucky meeting you’ll have today.” Sometimes I’ll share big things like, “I’m praying that God gives you guidance about whether or not we should homeschool the kids.” I love asking God to give my husband guidance to share with me and I think it makes my husband feel special knowing that I trust him in that way.
I’m sure there are hundreds of ways we can be better at loving our husbands and plenty of articles out there that talk about how. Google them, make a list, think of what’s worked in the past. Most of all, cheer your hero on every day. He won your heart in a world full of other men.
Find a hero, marry him, and cheer him on every day. This is the kind of wife God wants for your husband.