Here is the latest Coffee & Pearls:
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Alright, let’s talk about something that we don’t talk about often… praying, out loud, with our husbands.
It’s awkward, y’all.
I’m sure there’s a perfect combination of Catholic upbringing mixed with maturity and open conversation… that leads to an instantly comfortable prayer life after the wedding but as that was not my personal experience, I won’t speculate what kind of couple starts out knowing how to pray right away.
For the rest of us, praying out loud with our husband did not come easy.
I imagine, like myself, many of you put it off for quite a while even knowing how important it is. Many of you listening still don’t pray out loud with your husband and I want to say, that’s okay, you’re not a terrible person. Hopefully after this episode, you feel inspired to try for the first time or try again.
First, let’s get this out of the way. Praying is very private. It’s hard to go from stream of consciousness prayers inside our heads to forming complete, non-ridiculous sentences in front of other people. It’s not weird that you think it’s weird to pray out loud with your husband.
I always find that it’s much easier to ask for help when I think it’s normal to ask for help.
So here’s how I went from awkward praying sessions to routinely praying out loud with my husband.
- Start with something easy. I’m talking one Our Father before you get into bed. It’s okay if makes you laugh. It’s okay if you roll your eyes. It’s important just to start.
- Add in more easy things. When you’re ready to step it up, add a Hail Mary and a Glory Be. Then you’ll have the big three!
- Hold hands. Okay, now you’re ready to take it to the next level. Pray while holding hands. Man this is hard. My husband and I do this every night and let me tell you, there are some nights when I’m so seethingly mad at him that I want to punch him in the face! Grabbing his hand and praying feels like one of the hardest things ever on those nights but I do it out of love and obedience to God who asked me to pray with my husband.
- Free From Prayer. This is where you each take a turn praising God, giving thanks, or asking for help. This can be a big jump if neither of you are used to do this. I think the trick to trying this out for the first time is to just let each other know it can be messy, silly, poorly said, or incomplete sentences. This is from the heart and it doesn’t have to be anything. Give each other the space to try it out.
- Choose a patron saint for your marriage. The next thing to do is to choose a patron saint for your marriage. Our is Our Lady Undoer of Knots. We pray every night asking her to help us undo the knots we’ve tied in our marriage. We try to celebrate her feast day on December 8th along with the Immaculate Conception as sort of a marriage anniversary too!
If your husband is uncomfortable, you need to respect that. You can’t strong arm him into praying with you if he doesn’t want to. It’s likely to have the opposite effect that you desire. Instead, simply pray for him. Ask the Holy Spirit to come down and change his mind. Ask Mary to help soften your husband’s heart to the idea of praying and then just wait.
I’ve also tasked my husband with putting out a podcast about how important it is for husbands to pray out loud with their wives. He’ll do it this week and then I’ll post it!
Pray with your husband! Start at step one and keeping working on these steps until you’re doing all five. Yes, even if it takes years! In the meantime, I’ll be praying for you!