Here is the latest Coffee & Pearls:

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It’s time to start building trust with yourself.


We’ve gotten really good at lying to ourselves. We do it without anyone knowing. It’s a toxic cycle that swirls in our minds and no one can see it. We wake up and we tell ourselves about all the things we’re going to do today.


“I’m going to be a great mom. I won’t lose my temper.”

“I’m going to go for a run.”

“I won’t spend too much time on my phone.”

“I’m going to make a fabulous dinner for my family.”

“I won’t look at houses on Zillow today.”


Whether big or small, we tell ourselves these lies. We set ourselves up for failure. We pin our hopes on things that we already know won’t come true.


We break trust with ourselves. Then we stop liking ourselves… for who can like someone they don’t trust?


Well, it is certainly a Christian trait that we can love those who don’t deserve it but the truth is, we rarely bestow this gift on ourselves.


We begin to resent ourselves, to feel bitter towards ourselves. And then worse of all, we begin to stop planning, to stop hoping. Whether because of the world or because of our own choices, we have failed so often to achieve our dream or even our small daily aspirations, that we feel there is no purpose in planning anymore.

My thirties have not been flirty, fabulous, and fun. I expected that I would have more poise… more control somehow. I do have a great deal more wisdom but in a way, that wisdom has taught me to desire simpler things. It’s not that I don’t dream big, but the big dreams are not the important ones. I have a few smashingly good dreams that would be amazing to realize someday but my top dreams are small and quiet.

Ultimately all my important dreams involve slipping quietly from this life into the next with great peace… and then leading my family to the same place.

So today on this New Year, I want to challenge you to do two things.

First, stop breaking trust with yourself. You deserve this. You deserve honesty. You deserve having someone in this world that you can rely on and it must begin with you.

Don’t set giant goals. Don’t set goals you’ve failed ten times before. Instead, set some really silly small goals. Goals that are so small, you will absolutely keep them.

  • Read two Bible verses per day.
  • Do five minutes of exercise and don’t even make yourself shower afterward.
  • Give your husband one kiss when he comes home from work.
  • Read one short book to your children.

When you begin to keep your own promises, you will feel a light grow inside of you. You will feel a calm strength that comes from knowing that when you say you’re going to do something, you mean it, you know you’ll do it. We have got to be women of integrity and to know deep down in our bones that we are, we have to begin treating ourselves with dignity and respect. We must keep our word. We must be honest about what we are capable of and what is good for us. And deep down, we know these truths. Spend some quiet time today asking yourself, “What do I really need?” And then create some silly small goals to build momentum toward this goal.

Second, dream some small dreams. These dreams are about love. Love is God and God is Heaven. It’s all mixed together. Fix your eyes on the beautiful end of this life and know that nothing in between is really that important. Love God and love every single person he puts in your path. Give them your presence. Give Him your presence. If you live a very simple and small life but one that is filled with love and on the path to Heaven, you will have more joy than if you achieve a big, loud dream that everyone else can see. I think big dreams are good too but they are not the most important.

Today is the last day to register for the Catholic Women Shine goals course. Remember, the worksheets (HERE) are free. This course is for women who want a sounding board, who want accountability, and who want the support other women who are struggling to figure out how to balance our faith with the swirling life right in front of us.

God gives each one of us sufficient grace to know His holy will, and to do it fully.
– St. Ignatius of Loyola