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Hi and welcome to Coffee and Pearls, 15 minutes of wisdom for Catholic moms. I’m Sterling Jaquith, and I just wanted to give you guys an update on what’s been happening with me for the last three months and what is about to happen, which I’m very excited about. So first of all, I think I just lost it a little bit. Like the world just became so yucky and so divisive and so, and filled with so much tension. And I know that you guys, right, but just like everything everywhere I went was just, it just felt like an onslaught of yuckiness and division. And I just could not hang for that.

I just stopped looking at Instagram and Facebook. I took them off my phone. I started using my husband’s phone for Facebook marketplace. So I’ve tried to give up Facebook a couple of times before, but that was really one of the few sticking points was, you know, I find a lot of things for great deals on marketplace. And so now I just asked my husband, I use his phone. He’s the one who usually gets them anyway. And I’ll say, you know, here’s, here’s this thing. Can you go pick it up?

I do miss Instagram and seeing everyone’s pictures. I just love Instagram, but same thing. It just, it was just too much. There’s just enough yuckiness that would sneak in there and I just couldn’t do it. And so I haven’t looked at that in awhile either. But I’ve been a lot happier and I also have not been reading the news all the time. I I’m trying not to even do it once a day. And I know we always say like, Oh, I want to be informed, but here’s the thing you guys, you know about the big things that happen, right? Even if you find out a couple days later, you always find out someone tells you it comes up, you can look, look it up.

Like you don’t need the onslaught of the mainstream media news, which is just so designed to be inflammatory and make you upset in one way or the other. Right. the other thing you could do is you could Google neutral news and I did find several news sites that were neutral or included multiple points of views. And I liked that too, but even that, I just found that it wasn’t helping me to look at it a few times a day or even every day. And so I’m trying to see how long I can go without looking at it and you know what, I’m a much happier me, so I don’t even feel bad about it. Okay. And I know that the best thing I can do for the world is be the best version of myself and then go shine my light for Christ out into the world, right to my kids, the people that I meet to the work that I do, and that will be so much more impactful than me going down the news rabbit hole, just to educate myself on something that probably is giving me skew details are much more detailed than I need.

I’m doing pretty well on my weight loss journey. I think I started the year off at 205 pounds and I’m down to 162. So I feel really good about that progress. I worked really hard for that, but I made most of that progress. I want to say by the beginning of July. And then July was just a really rough month and a little bit of August to we sold our business, which is, you know, praise God, such an amazing thing, but it was so much more stressful than I thought it was going to be all the way through the business sale. And then my husband stayed on to train them, which is, you know, common and appropriate, but that was stressful too. And it just took a long time for us to feel like we didn’t own it and we weren’t responsible for it.

And I feel like we’re finally starting to live. Like we don’t have anything to do with that anymore. So my, I just stress ate a lot in that six weeks. And I think I went up like five pounds and I’ve come back down. So, you know, it’s okay just to own that. I’m an emotional stress eater and I just, I can handle a certain amount of stress and still not do it. I was really good for the first six months of the year, but that just ended up being a little bit, too much pain for what I currently had tools to deal with. And so I just ate hamburgers and pizza cause that’s what I do. But also to say that I’m still down from the beginning of the year and I feel pretty committed now to sticking with it. For the rest of the year, I’m trying to hit my goal weight by the end of the year, which is 135.

So I have another 30 pounds to go and, you know, five months, September, October, November, December four months. So we’ll see, that’s aggressive. But that’s what I’m shooting for at the moment. 

I’m doing that with intermittent fasting and pretty much just zero sugar and eating only whole 30 foods. Right. That’s, that’s how I do it and it’s difficult, but it works. I also read bright line eating by Susan Pierce Thompson, which is pretty fantastic. You know, I’ve so much to say about that. I’m going to talk about that when I get to my new, new venture stuff, we are still trying to move up North. We’d like to live in Sandpoint or Sagle, which is about an hour North of Coeur d’ Alene. There’s just been a lot of back and forth house stuff. It is really hard to buy a house right now, not to mention it’s hard to buy a house when you don’t have a job.

But you know, God can make anything happen. So we’re, you know, still knocking on doors and seeing what we can make happen, but that has just been another factor in our lives. I had the great privilege of taking an iconography class. There is a Russian Orthodox priest who lives here. He has apprentice as an iconographer, since he was 14. And he teaches twice a year, a week long icon class, and it’s from nine to five, Monday through Friday. So it’s like a full time week. And he says, you know, you can learn how to write an icon with no painting experience, which I just felt like it was completely unbelievable. I’ve always wanted to do it, but I thought, Oh I mean, I’ll probably do that in my fifties when all the kids are gone, but we had this kind of amazing opportunity where my husband was home.

We had sold the business and we thought, okay, why not? Let’s be crazy. I’ll do it. So he gallantly watched my kids our kids they’re our kids for that week. And I got to take this icon class and it was just phenomenal. I could not believe how good everyone’s painting was. I don’t want to say like mine was great. Everyone was great. It was, it’s really incredible what he was able to teach us to do. And we’ll see if I have the guts to post a picture of it. I haven’t done that yet. Well, cause I’m not on Instagram, but maybe I will in the new place. I’m about to talk about, I have read a lot of books that How We Love book was probably one of the most impactful books I’ve ever read. It really blew open for me, some childhood stuff and some marriage stuff.

It basically talks about how, the way in which we were emotionally neglected as children teaches us, not teaches us. But from that we form a, a personality type for how we relate in relationships. And then our, you know, our spouse has one as well and then it talks about how the two interact. And so I have a Vacillator personality type and my husband has an avoider personality type. And when you’re reading it, you’re just kind of hits you in three ways, right? So first you’re like, Oh, you have to kinda think about your childhood. And it brings all of that up. And then second year you think about your marriage. Cause you see so clearly how you’re playing out these patterns that they call out in the book. And then the third thing you see is how you are doing some of those things to your kids.

And you’re like, Whoa, I need to stop doing that to my kids and not heinous things, but you know, just, you see that maybe the way that you speak to them or treat them might be perceived in this little kid way that is emotionally difficult for them. And so it was, gosh, I just feel like maybe you should even have a therapist before you’re allowed to read that book. But it was, it was pretty fantastic. And and we’re still kind of grappling with it. My husband read it after I did. And I will say because this is surprising, went to their website and they have MP3s that you can download where they give commentary on the, on a pair of type. So my husband and I bought the Vacillator avoider one and I don’t remember how much money it was, maybe like 20 or $25.

And I remember thinking like, Oh, those things are never worth it because they just say the same things in the book. But it wasn’t, it was almost entirely different information and better information. So if you read the book, I would highly encourage you to go to their website and buy that MP3 because it was really powerful. And I just took pages of notes when I listened to it the first time and it was just really helpful for my husband and I. So that’s kind of unusual, you know, when an audio product is so powerful and worth it.

Alright, so I am launching my new podcast! The new podcast is going to be called Mama Tools. It’s going to feel exactly the same to most of you as coffee and pearls. Okay. And I think the reason I wanted to start something new was, you know, coffee and pearls has just been all over the place like my life for the last four years.

And as I, as I tried to think about how to bring it back, you know, this fall and start again, I just, I wanted a clean slate and, but I think I was as the same intro music. And it’s, it’s going to have four different types of podcast episodes. One type of episode is going to be called Mama Tools. And I’m just going to give you tools that will help you be better moms, wives, Catholics, you know, pretty similar to what I’ve been doing now, but a little more focused. Like it’ll be pretty clear like today we’re talking about this tool and you’ll be able to read about it. The second type of episodes code is that I’m going to be interviewing seasoned moms. And that means any mom who has at least one child who’s older than 18 and left the house.

That’ll be the qualifying factor for them to come on the show and I’m just going to ask them questions and we’re going to ask them what their Mama Tools were and that, and asked that they would share them with us. And I might have some specific questions for them, you know, especially if they have a unique situation like a military mom or a special needs child, or I’m hoping they’ll be honest, some of them about their marriages and their sex lives. And I’m going to give them the option to not use their real name or say anything about where they live. If they’d like to be more vulnerable with me on the show, but I think it will be incredibly powerful. The third type of call is going to be a live coaching call. So I had been going through the Optimize coach program.

I did it last year, but I felt like it didn’t count cause I was in bed. And so I’ve been doing it again this year, although I’m sad that we’re not running a Spartan race together as a coach team because of COVID. And that was really looking to that or rather not looking forward to that, but knowing that it was going to be a pretty cool experience for me. But I am still certified as a coach and I know how to do all of the coaching things. And so I’m going to do live coaching calls and it will be live, but it will be recorded and unscripted and then I’ll put it on the podcast, but it will be live in the sense that I’m just going to press record and we’re going to see what shows up. And so I will just do, you know, basically one on one coaching with a mom with some, you know, issue that she’s hoping to get some clarity on.

And I will just ask some hopefully thoughtful questions to pull out, you know, maybe what she can do to make progress on that issue. So there will be those live coaching. Hi, I’m not sure, sure. If I want to call it coaching, but that’s what I’m calling it right now. And then the fourth type will be the book reviews that I love doing. I’m going to start off with the power of agency. That’s going to be the very first book I review and there will be some notes around that and some exercises and I am not putting an interval on any of those, like, Oh, I’m going to do them once a week or once a month. I’m just going to do them a bunch of times and then reach out to all of you and find out, you know, which ones you liked and then create a schedule for those going forward.
I just can’t predict right now what that’s going to look like. So I will also be launching a private community that will feel a lot like Facebook, but it’s going to be closed. Just for Catholic moms who follow mama tools and it will just be a group that’s about encouragement and accountability and growth. 

So I will be sending out invitations to that. Probably in a couple of weeks, I’m going to, I’m going to drip it out slowly. So like some people will be invited and then more people and then more people, but I’m trying to get people in slowly so that I can, you know, test it and really figure out the feature it’s, but it feels a lot like Facebook. You know, you can like things, you can share things, you can tag things, pictures, video but it’s, it’s just our own private group and you don’t see anything else.
So I really liked that because I just, I want to build a business that does not require the other social media platforms. Just for my mental sanity, I’m ready to let go of those. And, but I really miss all of you and I want to talk to you. And so we will be able to do that on the mama tools community that we’ll be launching soon. So I’m really excited about that. Again, I don’t think it’ll feel very different than this, but I just, I wanted something that was a little fresh, a little more structured, a little more focused. And I’m also going to be saying that my name is Sterling Jay. Because it’s easier to say easier to spell. 

I have big dreams of being a pretty big speaker, author and coach, and I just don’t want people to meet my kids and associate them with me in that way.

And a lot of people have neutral last names. Like it’s not like you meet someone with the last name of Kelly and you go, Oh, are you Matthew Kelly’s kid? Right. You wouldn’t do that. But Jake with is so unusual that should I become more popular and well known. I just really want to distance that for my kids. You know, they, they know what I do, but I just don’t want people to ask them about that or have any assumptions about that or just anything around that. So that is why for the new show, I’m going to be changing my name and I will probably eventually go back and, and do that for my books as well. And that’ll just be kind of my pen name, but it’s not, it won’t be a secret that that’s not really my last name.

I’m just trying to create a little bit more, you know, anonymity for my kids and then make it easier for the rest of you were always like, I don’t know how to say that. Which I totally respect. Cause it is hard to say, so I love you. I’ve missed you. I have actually been working a lot this summer to get ready for all of this content. So I’m really excited for the fall and I hope all of you will be courageous and you will jump with me to this next podcast and and to the community as well. When I announced that I will also be sending out forms, if you want to sign up to go through the live coaching call or if you are a seasoned mom who would love to share some of your wisdom with us, younger moms who no longer have, you know, most of us don’t have wonderful grandmas or neighbors to tell us all the things, you know, we would love to have you on the show.

I will probably do one more farewell podcast episode later, but I’m not emotionally ready to record that right now. So I will do that later. And and then we’ll hop on over. And I hope you’re really excited about Mama Tools as much as I am. So thanks for listening, ladies, all of you to Coffee and Pearls and have a blessed day!