Here is the latest Coffee & Pearls:
Scroll down to read it as a blog post!
The weather has shifted and all of a sudden all these questions are coming up.
- Who can play in the backyard alone?
- Where do we put the chalk?
- Can we drink water in the backyard?
- Can I ride bikes with the neighbors?
- When do we clean up the helmets?
And of course, these questions never come at a good time. They always come when I’m trying to do something else, when I’m exhausted, when I’m trying to make dinner, etc. I find myself frustrated by the interruption then even more frustrated when I don’t know the answer. I’m the mom, shouldn’t I know the rules! And of course, sometimes I need to talk to my husband to find out if he’s made any rules about the situation that has come up so we look like a united team.
I found myself feeling especially grumpy this week with questions, especially if I have to go up and down the stairs extra times to take care of these issues. Then I realized, the rules weren’t clear. They weren’t clear to me and they weren’t clear to the kids.
I took a deep breath and sat down and made a list of the recent situations. Then I wrote down what I thought the rules should be. I ran them by my husband who had some good input and we changed them slightly.
Now the important part. I sat down the kids and I told them the rules and made them repeat it back to me. I asked questions to make sure it was clear. “Where can you ride your bike? Where is too far? When do you need to come ask me permission?” If they were confused, we clarified.
Don’t be frustrated by this process. Get better at recognizing when it needs to happen. We have to create/change rules when the seasons change, when mom is pregnant, when a baby starts crawling, etc. It’s not unfair for the rules to change as long as you communicate that change clearly to everyone in the family.
I was watching a Matthew Kelly video of one of his business talks at a conference and he said something so interesting. He said we think people don’t like change but people actually love change. He said people hate transition and they don’t always realize that’s what’s happening. I realized that I was in transition of seasons and that it was uncomfortable. Once we laid the new rules and made the change to Spring/Summer rules, I’d be very happy with our new changes!
Ask yourself why you are feeling frustrated this week? Are you in a transition of some sort? Can you speed up the transition? If not, keep repeating to yourself that you are in a state of transition and that is naturally uncomfortable. Once the transition is over, you will enjoy the change. Sometimes all we need to do is shift the way we perceive our current situation and that makes us feel so much more calm and at peace.
“Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.” Romans 14:19
Our souls may lose their peace and even disturb other people’s, if we are always criticizing trivial actions – which often are not real defects at all, but we construe them wrongly through our ignorance of their motives.